Kitsu's Journal
by Cha-Cha-Cheesecake
Summary: The life and times of Alice Academy through the mighty eye-slits of the one and only Kitsuneme the Great. Latest: 50 Reasons Why She is the Love of My Life /./ REVIEW FOR YOURS TRULY!
1. Essay Number One

**A/N: Heh. I haven't written a Gakuen Alice fanfic in ages, especially not a funny one (apart from on Mugi's account). So I thought, "Hey, I REALLY need to do this," and so this wonderful (?) piece of writing was born (again, ?). So congratulate me. Please do ^^ And don't forget to review! :D Do it for Kitsu, will ya?**

Narumi told us to write this essay as a diary or journal because he wanted us to express our feelings, or some physiological crap like that. I don't really get it. Why should we open up to a moron like him?

So now I, Kitsuneme the Great, will tell the typical story of when life got interesting around Alice Academy. And I don't care if it's insulting or doesn't make sense. It's my essay, so there. Hah.

I have to point out a couple of things first. I use LOTS of brackets, mainly because I forget to add in details and just stick them in anywhere. But it's my writing, so don't even think about lowering my grade because of it. I can take up my own style. I'm definitely going to be an author one day, and when I'm super ultra mega famous and the press are asking me about when I first got interested in writing, I'll just hand them this crummy essay and let them have a catfight over it.

But anyway, back to my story.

So basically, the day started off as normal. Really normal, in fact. Just a typical day. We had lessons (which Luca-Pyon and Natsume skipped), me and Koko teased Curly Permy to the point where she grabbed us by our collars and threatened to slash our throats, Natsume tried to escape the school again, and it was all as peaceful as life has ever been.

THEN.

Then, after lunch, when we were making paper planes to throw at the supply teacher and contently living our ordinary lives, SHE walked into the room. Mikan Sakura, the only reason that Permy hasn't murdered us already (she had found a new target). She looked completely bewildered because I was flying around and talking to Inchou like it was totally normal (which, after spending years at Alice Academy, it pretty much was).

And the whole time I was talking to Inchou, I was secretly thinking "Maaaaan, wonder whether she'll become a Permy wannabe". And "I sure hope not, one Permy's bad enough, two Permy's (Wakako Usami, the megabitch who hangs around Curly just to be popular) sometimes gives me the urge not to live, and three Permy's…" I can't even write it. My hand is crying.

Then I sat down next to Koko and pointed her out, and he started saying the same things I was thinking loud enough for Permy and Wakako-lacko to hear (this resulted in her banging our heads together), and the next thing I knew Mikan was sat down next to Natsume and yelling ear abuse about how he was a mega perv who had ripped off her underwear without removing her skirt (which, I have to say, is serious skill).

Then Mochu decided to stick his bald, bald head into their business and lifted her up in the air (I saw a striking view of her panties - polka-dots; no wonder Natsume had to tear them off, they were making my eyes bleed profusely).

Inchou was moaning about how they were going to get into trouble and was acting like a goody-goody two-shoes, and Hotaru, Mikan's BEST FRIEND, didn't say a thing. Figures.

So basically once that happened, Mikan and Permy started having this ultra-bitch smack down, and Permy was pretty much speaking a bunch of crap to Mikan which was obviously making Mikan feel like some sort of ant.

Next thing I knew, Mikan was yelling freakish jibber about Permy being the biggest idiot she'd ever met (which is highly true, and I congratulate Mikan for catching on so fast). And then Hotaru smacked Mochu round his bald, bald head with one of her creepy hoof gloves, which sent him flying into the wall.

Then, after things had cooled down a bit, Natsume sent Mikan on an impossible quest to go through the north woods, and things were going quite boringly smooth until Mochu marched in and announced that they'd kidnapped Luca-Pyon (again, I highly congratulate Mikan. I bet they wanted to huggle each other SO BAD). So Natsume went to the north woods in a rage, and as far as I know, he almost killed Inchou, trapped both him and Hotaru in flames, and was THIS close to burning Mikan to a crisp (thank god for the nullification alice). And then Narumi did the creepiest thing. He KISSED Natsume's forehead. ONLY COUPLES DO THAT!

Well, that's what I heard, anyway. I can't be sure until I ask someone who was there, but:

A) I can't ask Narumi because I'm quite frankly too afraid to be near him if the answer's yes.

B) I can't ask Mikan because she refused to give any details about the whole thing (I bet she'd probably been kissed by Narumi too).

C) If I asked Hotaru I'd have to give a price before she'd squeal (not that I can imagine her ever squealing).

D) If I asked Natsume he wouldn't remember the whole thing, and besides, he would be outraged that I would even bother asking him about such a mind-scarring experience.

E) If I asked Luca-Pyon he'd probably say the same thing as Mikan (bless, they're MADE for each other!).

F) Inchou was too traumatised to notice such a perverted detail.

So that's when life got interesting. Before that, the most exciting thing that happened here was if Permy forgot to perm her hair one day (it's like Christmas - only comes around every so often). Now we're dealing with a psychobitch Luna Koizumi.

Her wart disgusts me. I mean, it's huge, black, and hideous. I've often thought the same about Permy, but I actually think Permy's face is much more proportionate. Besides, she uses anti-blemish cream to get rid of any warts that happen to pop up, unlike Koizumi.

I even heard she made Mikan cry. Now, Mikan is a part of our big friendship group at Alice Academy, so naturally, we all want that bitch to burn in hell. Why doesn't Natsume just bake her in a pie already? (Oh wait - that's Anna's job.)

I've come to a shocking realisation that if Mikan had never come here, me and Koko might've actually gotten BORED of insulting Curly. Then we'd turn dreary and boring too, and we'd become accountants or something.

Nowadays, Koko wants to work in an ice-cream van.

And I want to be a famous billionaire author, but I've said that already.

Kitsuneme the Great, that'll be my title. Each one of my books will have Kitsuneme the Great written in block-print at the bottom. How classy is that? VERY.

I should make joke books. Here's a good joke. What's curly, green, and spindly? Curly's perm, of course! Hah!

… Okay, so that wasn't my best joke. I can get better. I can write romance too.

"Oh, Mochu… Will you be my valentine?" asked Curly, staring up at him with eyes glazed over with emotion. His lips parted slightly, and he lifted his hand to wipe away a tear that rolled down her cheek elegantly.

"Only if I can tell the world," he whispered huskily, moving his face closer to hers. And then, they shared their first and most rewarding kiss.

Or I can do action! Okay, I'm REALLY good at action… Fine. Action with a tad of drama in too.

All of a sudden, the cave burst into flames at the first touch of the jewel Curly had laid eyes on. She gasped in horror.

"Oh, Mochu, my companion! We have to escape!" she called, tearing through the slowly collapsing cave. He followed suit, choking on hair product fumes. As he wiped traces of spittle from his mouth, he tripped over an inconveniently placed rock, and fell to the stone floor.

"Leave me, Curly!" he shouted dramatically, his face scrunched up in pain as flames caused by their arch nemesis, Natsume Hyuuga, licked up his trouser leg.

"NOOOOOO! MOCHU! WE CAN GET THROUGH THIS!" Curly yelled, reaching out to grab his hand. He shook his head, taking his last dying breaths.

"Curly… your perm has… always made me think you're… attractive…" his breathing slowed to a halt, and Curly began to cry.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MOCHU! WE WERE MEANT TO SAVE THE WORLD TOGETHER!" she screamed, clawing at the ground. Natsume Hyuuga laughed diabolically.

"You will never stop me from burning down all the alice stones now, Curly Permy!" he yelled.

… That's enough of the action. I can also do shoujo.

"PERM… POWER!" she yelled, transforming into a fire-breathing dragon in the form of a young and flat-chested girl.

"Oh crap! You're… The princess of the Perms! SAILOR PERMY!" the evil Natsume Hyuuga yelled, raising his stumpy eyebrows in horror. She stood in a strikingly creative pose and then snapped a perm off.

"Perm SWORD!" She then proceeded to stab him several times in a place that evil stumpy-eyebrowed men should never be stabbed.

"Noooo… My children…" he moaned, slumping to the ground. Permy then used her fire-breathing skills to melt the rock he was standing on, causing him to receive a second-degree burn as well as sinking into the rock.

"CURSE YOU, SAILOR PERMY!" His final words were swallowed by the closing of the rock.

… Heh. I'd be an AWESOME anime writer. But Curly or Natsume better not find it. If they ever read these, I'd be burned and stabbed with perms. That would kinda ruin picture day.

Oh damn. I just realised. Perm has the cat-doggie alice, right? She could become another Cat Woman. Or a MEW MEW! Heh.

"Come on, Natsume! The whole of Alice Academy is counting on us!" cried Curly, sticking out her non-existent boobs in an attempt to spice up their lives. Natsume pretended not to notice.

"Come on. The other Mews are already up in the ESP's office, and we're running late. As the leaders, it is our job to save the day! Forget about the other characters, they're only there to look gooooood."

Following his advice and his flowing hair, Curly picked up her transforma-thingy and shouted in her girliest voice,

"MEW MEW PERMY! METAMORPHOSIS!" She popped out a pair of cat ears, whiskers, a tail, and her perm grew accordingly. And for some reason this made her a superhero, but we'll leave that piece of logic up to the readers.

Natsume put on a cat mask and he suddenly became a very small black cat.

"Natsume, what is going on!" Permy asked. "You've taken the form of a cat!"

"I am Soprano, the magic talking cat," he said nobly. "At least, that's my alter-ego. Now I command you carry me!"

"Anything you desire, Soprano," she giggled, blushing. This was further than Mew Mew Mikan had ever gotten!

When they reached the ESP's office, Soprano jumped out of Mew Permy's arms and knocked on the door with one paw.

"Come in!" called their arch nemesis, the Elementary School Principal.

"Open the door," commanded Soprano. Mew Permy did as she was told. Ah, this makes me feel like Soprano's slave or something, Mew Permy thought dreamily.

The second they opened the door, a small child in a black cape greeted them with a creepy smile.

"Come forward, Mew Permy," he ordered. "Leave the mog outside."

"How ruwed! I am Soprano, the magical talking cat! I am also a scientist! And a billionaire! And the owner of a café! And a student! Now who are you calling a mog?"

"Still you," the ESP said with yet another curling lip. "Anyway, enough with this! I will take you down, Mew Permy!"

"That's my line, you slimy freak!" Mew Permy battle-cried, pulling out a lipstick from god-knows where. "Ribbon! Permy! Slick!"

At once the ESP was attacked by a spritz of lipstick goo, thus weakening his powers.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! How could you, a mere weakling mew mew, defeat me, the greatest villain of all time?" he spluttered, falling to the floor in agony. She put her hands on her hips.

"Four words, you squiggly moron! The power of love!"

THE END

See? I can write the best of the best. Pretty cool, right? So one day, when I'm a best-selling author, I can just sit back, relax, smile for all the millions of cameras taking my pictures to post in magazines, and just carry on spouting out these awesome little stories. I know! I'll make light novels.

Problem solved. Now, you'll probably write at the bottom of the page, "very rambly and long, doesn't make much sense, has nothing to do with your feelings," but I don't actually care about what your scrawly handwriting has to offer (I'm totally not a bad person by saying this. I am furious that anyone would think that because of how awesome I have been to everyone. So if you think that about me then fine, I'll just beat your ass until you can't even sit on it anymore). I am a unique person, and I think everyone should respect that.

So this is the conclusion to my awesome essay-diary-journal (for now, anyway. I hope that this homework doesn't crop up again). I personally think that I should get at LEAST an A for this beautiful piece of work. You should definitely give me a grade I'll be proud to show off. Because seriously. You'll NEVER see me hand in a piece of homework again, so you'd better savour this.

Your's truly,

Kitsuneme =)

**A/N: Aaaaaaaaaand, thank you very much for reading! Don't forget to leave a review or something :-]**

**I had plenty of fun with this, so if anyone wants a sequel or wants any story requests, I can do that! :D**


	2. Halloween Special

**A/N: GUYS. YOU GAVE ME SUCH POSITIVE FEEDBACK I DECIDED TO MAKE ANOTHER ONE OF MY LITTLE KITSU PIECES 8D So thank you! This time it'll be… a HALLOWEEN SPECIAL! WOOOOOO!**

**Okay guys, be as generous as you were last time and leave a review, ne?**

Okay. It's been a while. But we're back here again. Homework time.

Ugh. To think that I've actually had to miss dodge ball with Koko to do this. Horrifying. But oh well. If it's for my future career as a billionaire writer, I have to make a few sacrifices. Like, for instance, if Koko's planning to become an ice-cream man, he's going to have to miss a day down Central Town with me to go van-shopping (if such a thing exists).

Well, the objective of this week's homework is to write a Halloween essay explaining our feelings (really, Narumi should be a guidance councillor, not a Japanese teacher).

Well, my feelings. This is a tough one. I think I'm going to go Trick-or-Treating as a vampire this year. 8D All the chicks are digging vampires right now, thanks to Robert Patterson stealing the ladies' hearts. And I should convince Koko to go as a mummy.

Permy doesn't need to dress up. She's scary enough as it is. We don't want the kiddies crying because the Perm monster has ruined Halloween.

In my opinion, Megabitch-Luna should dress up as a giant replica of the wart that is stuck to the side of her face like a meatball. I mean, that thing is so huge and scary people would hand her a ton of candy and beg for her to spare them their lives.

Okay, picture this scenario. Megabitch Luna swaggers down the street, dressed as a giant wart, and knocks on the door of one of the old people taking refuge in Central Town. They open the door and scream in fear.

"OH SHIT!" they cry, "A GIANT WART! SPARE US!"

And she'd be like, "Give me teh candy, bitches!"

And they'd throw the candy in her face and burst into tears, sobbing, "Please, giant wart, don't rub off on us! You're just so hideous!"

And she'd run off down the street and then trip over some of Koko's bandages, and then roll down the hill like a football.

Mikan will probably dress up as a flower fairy princess, or some girly thing like that. She'll skip down the road, in her pretty, floaty little dress that'll fly so high we'll see another polka dot flash, turning everything she walks on into sugar bells. And then she'll run into Luna, rolling around on the floor and failing to get up, and nullify the wart (kinda like wart cream) and slowly Luna will shrink, and shrink, and shrink…

And then she'll get so small Luna Koizumi will vanish from our lives forever.

And THEN we'll party in the girl dorms.

And Luca will dress up as the Easter Bunny. God, that'd be good. The Easter Bunny and the Flower Fairy Princess. What a cliché couple, right? And then, when they're walking down the yellow brick road, about to live happily ever after, Natsume will come and crash the wedding. In a cat suit.

Then Perm will jump on him and they'll start to make out. Then I'll plonk Koko's ass down on a tree branch, unravel some of his bandages and hold them down as a rope for Luca and Mikan to cling onto so that they can sit on the branch in the dark and share true love's first kiss. Aw. How romantic.

Anna and Nonoko will obviously be witches. I mean, _come on_. They'd look gorgeous in those witch hats, so perky and cute and with their massive hats flopping over one eye cutely… Ugh. I'm getting turned on. Okay, Kitsu, get a hold of yourself.

Tsubasa and Misaki in the middle school, huh? Well, Tsubasa will be a zombie. Put on loads of white make-up, like R-Patz, tinge it with green, and there you go. I can't imagine he's the type to put lots of effort into a costume, anyway. He'd probably just tear up his middle school uniform and say he'd been savaged by wolves.

And Misaki? Werewolf. I mean, at first you can't imagine it, but then you get this image in your head. This image of Misaki with dog ears. It's quite a cute image, isn't it? But it gets better. Then imagine her in a furry bikini. Mmm… Yeah. Reminds you kinda of a mix between a swimsuit model and Lady Gaga, doesn't it? At least her swimsuit isn't made of meat.

Okay, now, you remember my last essay, right? The one you gave me a C for. ONLY a C? Yeah, I remember your comment. I posted it on IM Alice Messenger.

"_An interesting piece of writing, but didn't explain much about your feelings or inner emotions. Also, the randomly-placed brackets made the concept of the text come to a standstill at some points while I was left to wonder where you were going with this essay. It was a rather confusing piece at that. Final grade: C."_

Yeah. See? I remember it so well I could write it up word for word. That's how bad my feelings were hurt, Narumi.

What was there more to explain about? I basically wrote down everything that came to mind while I was writing the essay. I demand you re-grade it. I DEMAND it.

Well, I, Kitsuneme the Great, am going to write up more stories. See, here I go again, making sacrifices for my future career as a writer. I'm going to continuously tell stories, until I get so good at it that one day I'll hand in an essay, and you'll take one look at it and almost faint, saying,

"I'm sorry, Kitsuneme the Great, but I simply can't mark this. It's so amazingly superior to my pea-brain that I'll have to hand it over to a publisher for marking."

And I'll beam modestly and go, "Oh, Sir, I'm sure it's not _that _good," while secretly thinking "You bet it is!"

So I'm going to show off some of my many writing skills, once again, using Permy as my writing crash dummy.

I can do poetry. For example, a couplet.

_Her name is Curly Permy,_

_And boy, she sure is germy._

See? I'd be amazing as a poet. If my writing career doesn't take off, or when I'm retired from my long and successful career, I might consider selling these little pieces of poetry to poetry books.

Also, Shakespeare. Shakespeare is amazing.

Kitsuneme the Great, with his tights and billowing bloomers, walked up to the curly-haired young lady and said, without hesitation, "Art thou Curly?"

She replied, with a seductive smile on her face, "Yes. Thy is perming thy's hair."

Ufu. I am GENIUS.

Okay, and get this, too. If I am already an amazing and well-known author, I could always write up play scripts as well.

Koko: (angry) PERMY! I can't believe I turned my back for one second and already you're snogging the face off of Mochu! Doesn't his bald head turn you off in any way?

Perm: (furious) WHAT? That's so bald-a-phobic of you!

Koko: That's not even a word!

Perm: (crying) Fufufufu… I thought you loved me, Koko! I really though you loved me! (choking on tears)

Koko: (embarrassed) I-I… I do, Permy! Of course I do! (Pulls her into a warm embrace) You'll always be mine.

Perm: K-Koko…

HAH! How awesome was that? I should be a soap-writer or something. I'd be _amazing_.

But I shouldn't let Koko see this. He'd… well, to be honest, I'm going to keep this a secret on behalf of my children. I don't want surgery to remove the damage Koko will do if he ever reads this piece.

And if Curly ever read it… Ugh. I'd be doomed. She'd hang my head up on her wall. The only advantage is then I could peek at her when she was changing to see if she's really a girl or not. Ohoho, I'm smart.

Hmm. I'm tired of doing homework. After writing up all these masterpieces, my hand is aching. The brilliance has overwhelmed it a bit, or something.

I'm going to go play some dodge ball before Takahashi calls us in for supper. Later.

AND GIVE ME A BETTER GRADE THIS TIME. OKAY?

Your's truly,

Kitsuneme =)

**A/N: Okay, so this one's way shorter than the last. But I was stuck for inspiration TT^TT you know how that is, right? But, I promise there WILL be a Christmas special coming up, seeing as you guys like Kitsu's POV. I promise I won't disappoint!**

**Aaaaaaand… if you guys noticed the reference to a certain other fanfic I included in there, YOU WIN A COOKIE! But I don't hand them out to just anybody, so review and I'll wuv you forever ;D**

**Okay, HAPPY HALLOWEEN PEEPS! If you're generous enough to review, I will LOVE you. x3**


	3. It's Christmas Time!

**A/N: Okay… Christmas time! WOO! So, as promised, I'll make sure to pack some crack into your stockings and update this wacky fanfic! ^_^ So please, go easy on me, cause Christmas has left me really busy DX**

**Don't forget to leave a review as well, please! =)**

**Also, I had assistance from Mugichanx - THANK YOU!**

This isn't even a piece of homework, but I figured I could do with a rant, and my internet's being a jerk, so I can only vent to my journal, and not my homies on IM Alice. Sigh…

Koko's gone on a date. With PERMY, of all people. Shock, horror, disaster, you say? YEP, I SAID IT TOO. AND A FAT LOTTA GOOD IT DID ME, EH?

So now I'm sat in my room, all alone cause Koko's literally swept her off her feet and carried her to a frigging café somewhere in Central Town, leaving ME alone on Christmas eve. That's sweet of him, isn't it? Lordy, after all I've ever done for him…

Well, meh. It's not like I'm going to invite anyone else here. I've already done my fair share of match-making, what with trying to get Mikan and Luca-Pyon to share Christmas eve with each other (this attempt was made on the 16th). I've literally covered their rooms with mistletoe, stuck it in Mikan's hair, wedged it in between Luca-Pyon's rabbit's ears, pinned it to their clothes… I'm hoping I'll get lucky tonight and catch them sucking their faces off while I tiptoe past to "get a drink of water".

And I made sure that Inchou got off with Nonoko too, on the 18th. I just grabbed Inchou by the arm one day and dragged him off to where Nonoko and a few of her nameless Gal Pals were tittering about whatever girls titter about. She looked up and I was just like,

"DUDE, JUST LEMME DO THE TALKING HERE." Then I turned to Nonoko and said, in my loudest voice, "INCHOU FANCIES THE PANTIES OFF YOU, NONOKO. WILL YA SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH HIM?"

Her girlies stared in a hushed silence and then slowly walked away, glancing over their shoulders every few seconds, while Nonoko stared at me. Then, suddenly, a shy expression swept over her face. She smiled.

"Okay," she whispered, face pink. She then bowed her head and, with a goofy, love struck grin on her face, scuttled off to join her friends, who were giggling amongst themselves, which is really off-putting if you don't actually know what they're giggling about.

Plus I've been working on the middle schoolers. I mean, WHY HAVEN'T MISAKI AND TSUBASA HOOKED UP YET? It's so damn obvious that they have the hots for each other, so why won't one of them just make a move? Ugh. I mean, come on, they've been childhood friends since the age of three, have plenty in common, both are very attractive, a good deal smart, and spend pretty much all of their time together! How are they NOT engaged, never mind dating?

With these thoughts in mind, I set out to embark on a quest to get them together.

You see, I'm going through a matchmaking phase at the moment. I started off small of course. I mean, just getting Youichi paired off with a pig head was pretty simple stuff. So then I set out BIGGER.

Nonoko and Inchou was easy and Mikan and Luca are SO almost together. If I manage to get them to kiss before Christmas day, they'll be my biggest success story yet. I'll brag about it, and even take it up to the High Schooler Hayamimi's room to have it printed in the school newspaper. It'll be HUGE.

And Hotaru will make plenty of merchandise off of Luca's embarrassed face after reading the headlines. I bet she'll stick a camera the size of a microbe onto the newspaper he'll be reading and have it send the pictures over through an internet wi-fi link and then send it around the entire school for fan girls to frolick over.

…Speaking of which, Hotaru must be getting pretty lonely right about now. Even the toughest guys cower in fear as she approaches them. She'll probably be working on an invention down in the labs right about now. Maybe even that micro-camera I was talking about.

But c'mon. Even the Ice Queen gets lonely from time to time.

Oh! Maybe she's building herself some robot boyfriend or something! I mean, it's not like she can get anybody real. And if she gets bored with him, she can just turn him off! It's genius!

I don't know where Natsume's gone either. I broke into his room a while ago (I'm not a stalker or anything, I just happen to be trained in the art of picking difficult locks) and he wasn't there. Which, of course, gave me the perfect chance to snoop around.

Maybe he keeps a diary or something pouring out all his feelings, I dunno. I was just intrigued by the fact that for once I didn't have to ask permission (therefore increasing my risk of getting my eyebrows torched) to have access to his room.

It was kinda plain really. Just… Huge. Special Stars really get awesome treatment. I, being a one-star, had no idea that Special Stars' rooms were so swish. I felt kinda overwhelmed.

What with there being nothing interesting to see, I headed back to my room again, disappointed that I had nothing interesting to sell to Permy for some couple of rabbits except a bath towel he'd probably dried his body with.

And once again, I was alone.

Which is why I'm writing now. Cause I'm frigging lonely.

To think people like Mikan have everyone falling in love with them, and yet I can't find just one girl in Alice Academy to fall in love with me. I mean, come on, I'm amazingly attractive, and I'm funny, and I'm not very smart, but I have a big heart. And I can write. THAT'S enough to make a Prince Charming. But then again, Prince Charming was always too drippy for my liking. Maybe something more like… Prince Fullmetal Alchemist? That'd be somewhat sexy.

So yeah, to be honest, there's really nobody around here, except a handful of Pigheads and people nobody cares about like Luna Moley-Bitch Koizumi and Kawako Usami. It was torture at dinner too. Imagine me, the amazing and dashingly handsome Kitsuneme the Great, surrounded by retarded kids in animal hats, wedged between The Dreaded Mole and the Permy Wannabe.

Well, Anna was there too, which made it a whole lot better. Apparently Nonoko's been ill all week and went out to buy Anna's Christmas present, so she was stuck there with only me to talk to. Which of course, must have made her night, as, as I may have pointed out, I am dashingly handsome. Although it was pretty awkward with Koizumi's mole just in my line of vision - it was VERY distracting.

Well yeah. I've got to go now anyway. I, like the playboy I am, am sneaking into the girls dormitories to see Anna, and I've got to somehow find SOMETHING in this room I can possibly give her as a present. Although I'm pretty sure she doesn't want last weeks underwear.

Yours truly,

Kitsuneme the Great ;)

PS. Have a Merry Christmas and blah blah mushy stuff ;)

**This'll be a two-parter… But the second instalment will be from Koko's POV! Yaay~ Not sure if it'll come out tonight though, just because we're busy… Yeah.**

**A perfect Christmas gift for Kitsu would be a review ;D**


	4. Insider's Thoughts

**A/N: HEY HEY HEY, YA SWIGGLE FIGS! It's Cha-Cha Cheesecake and Mugichanx here, bringing you the Christmas special for Kitsu's Journal! For once, it's going to be from Koko's POV, because we wanted to give it a try. =)**

**Also, Mugichanx is writing with me because we felt like it! ^_^ So prepare for the Christmas Sensation, Top-of-the-Charts fanfic brought to you by Cha-Cha Cheesecake feat. Mugichanx! WOOOOOO! HAAAAH! *imitates screaming Bieber fans***

**Insider's Thoughts**

"Ugh, Koko, what're you doing!"

"Just getting a drink, okay? Sheesh! Will ya miss me?"

"Don't be a jerk! And aren't you under age?"

"Jeezy cheese and crackers, I'm not ambling after achohol! What are you, a moron?"

"You're a pig, and I hate you!"

"But your mind says otherwise!"

"JERK!"

Can't you feel the love?

Yeah, so, Kokoroyomi here, spending a refreshing Christmas listening to Permy moan about broken hair curlers and trying to convince Elementary Schoolers that joining the Watching-Over-Luca-Association will get you extra credit (which, I might say, has been VERY successful. Got two more members already, the suckers). And now, after all the whining and crying and constant moodswings I've had to put up with, me and Perm have finally embarked on a trip to the bar to get a drink of Coke, cause she's not convinced that I'm going to actually buy some.

Basically, two words. CHRISTMAS LUNCH. The whole of Class B have rented out a pizza bar in Central Town, and me and Permy went together, because… Well, I've been demoted to sex slave.

Ha ha, not really, though once in a while, I wish I'd get some. She very angrily confessed her love to me a while back (which, if I must say, was HOT because her aggressive face while she was admitting her undying love for me was passionate and turned me on so badly).

As we approach the bar I see Iinchou waving sweetly at me, a battered paper hat hanging lopsided onto his sandy hair. I give him some sort of weird face twitch and take Sumire's hand, steering her towards the other end of the bar.

You see, Iinchou's been real moody lately because we rented the place without him. We assumed he'd give the all clear but it turns out he's vegan, so he can't even have any pizza. I swear, Iinchou's a woman, the amount of moodswings he has. Only last week he was being the cutie pie nerdy boy, as always and suddenly he's become some sort of Uber-Bitch. His thoughts are scary too. He doesn't think the kind of things you'd think he'd think. He must be someone to be reckoned with.

"Hey Koko! Curly!"

I grin as Kitsuneme rushes towards me, wearing a Santa hat and carrying two of the same. He hands one to me, then takes the other and pulls it over Permy's head as she claws at him and hisses. I laugh, pulling on my own.

"Yeah, so Happy Holidays to you and shit. I'd steer clear of the right hand corner, Iinchou's-"

"We know, we saw," I assure him, "munching on some seedy granola bar or something."

I stare into Kitsu's eyes for a fraction of a second before we both burst into laughter. Curly rolls her eyes and walks off to go find Usami.

"Aww, babe can't take a joke. Seriously, she should've stuck around. I didn't get to make a single perm-related remark about her. Shame."

"You'll get the chance to," I grin. "She'll come back to me. She just can't keep her mitts off my abs."

"Since when have you ever had abs?" Kitsu asks me, prodding my vulnerable flab.

Actually, Kitsu's been okay about the whole Me x The Perm Monster, which I'm surprised about to be honest. He practically begged me to go out with her on Christmas Eve, even though I'd vowed to spend it with him making balloon animals and then eating cheese and crackers into the night.

"You seen Hotaru anyway? I've been meaning to spend my Christmas money on a certain invention of hers."

I hold out my wrist where a chunky Alice-Restraining bracelet and Kitsu gives me a HUGE grin. I nod and scan the pizza bar for any sign of the raven-haired Ice Queen. She's sitting at a table with Luca, who seems to be trying to hide, and Mikan, who seems to be trying to get as much attention as possible from her, and failing. I storm over to her, pushing past Pig Heads and Extras alike.

"Hotaru!~" I cry, doing my almost perfected Mikan impersonation. She looks up, looks me up and down, and then goes back to her anchovy pizza. I scramble in my bag and slam down a fistful of notes, which catches her attention instantly.

"Hotaru, free me of this evil device!" I cry dramatically, as Kitsu snivels and grovels at her feet. She looks at me carefully, expression unreadable, then retrieves an over-sized pair of scissors from her backpack, which seems to be way too small to contain them.

"Warning: removal of said bracelet may result in over use of Alice, exhaustion and drooling. Shall I proceed?"

She has no expression, giving the air of a depressed robot, and I'm not sure whether she's joking around or not. I nod.

"Hell yeah, baby, get this thing off of me!"

She nods, a smile growing in her eyes and snips off the bracelet as though it were tissue-

_Haha, sucker, paying me triple the price I paid for the stupid thing-_

_Gah! Who ordered anchovies on our pizza-!_

_Woah, I hope Koko's okay, he looks a little woozy-_

_OMG I FOUND A PENNY!_

_Damn Imai, why didn't she tell us it was that simple?_

_Wow, Natsume's soooo hot-_

_I WISH HE WOULD TAKE OFF HIS SHIRT ALREADY! I WANT TO RAEEEEEP HIMMMMMM! SMOTHER HIS BODY IN CHOCOLATE AND LICK IT OFF! OH GOD, I-_

"Ow, somebody's got some pretty loud thoughts," I mumble, rubbing my head. Kitsu grabs my shoulder with his iron-grip and I turn my head painfully towards him.

"Man, you okay?" He says, turning on the bromance factor. I nod weakly and lean against his chest.

"I'm fine… Now you're here…" I moan. Fangirl squeals erupt around us, and I wink at Luca who rolls his eyes and turns a strange shade of maroon.

_That's so gross, why do girls even like that, ugh-_

"Yeah, I don't get it either," I reply to Luca, who turns so red I'm scared he might actually overheat and die.

_Man, those two are so yummy! Brotherly love is just so adorable! I want their babies!_

"I have a girlfriend," I say to a girl stood over by the salad bar. She blushes and stammers something I can't make out, before running away.

"Haha, if you could really call the beast a girlfriend," Kitsu laughs, tears welling in his eyes as girls blush and look away from the scene. I laugh too, but something tells me Kitsu's not joking.

"KOKO! YOU COMPLETE MORON! DON'T GO AROUND GIVING PEOPLE THE WRONG IDEA!"

Permy's fuming; I can see the smoke billowing out of her ears.

_Damn Koko, why does he have to embarrass me in front of everybody? I swear, I could just kill him-_

"Soz Perm, gotta go save the rainforest now, back in a bit!"

I sprint away from The Demon, Kitsu fast behind me as girls begin to swoon and giggle.

_-feel bad for him, I mean, we didn't even tell him and now we've gone and ruined his Christmas!_

If I was a dog, my ears would be pricked up as I pick up that unfamiliar thought.

Nonoko usually had little to say that I even gave a shit about, her mind usually taken up by images of Misaki-Sensei in a swimsuit or something creepy like that. But this intrigued me.

"Hey Kitsu, stop here a moment-"

_-I-I wish I could go talk to him, but I don't want anybody to know, I really like him-_

"No!"

Kitsu's eyes widen.

"What?"

"Nonoko likes Iinchou!"

"What?"

I turn to see a stunning Anna, her bubblegum hair tied up in an elegant ponytail. Her eyes are filled with disbelief.

"That's impossible! Nonoko tells me everything! She'd tell me if… if she really liked him… I'd know."

She looks saddened now, her eyes dim and doubtful. One thing I am not used to is upsetting people (Permy excluded). Kitsu and I, we're the ones that make everybody laugh. Kitsu looks at me in a way I can't describe, then takes Anna's hand and begins to talk softly to her. I leave then, unsure of what to do.

_-wish I could be as cool as Sumire. She's so pretty and talented and she has a boyfriend and she's the president of the Natsume and Luca Fanclub and-_

My ears are pricked once again. I glance around, but it's crowded. Surely there's no way I could know who thought that?

Except I do, because it's fricking obvious. Usami is sat with a glass of something clear and strangely not soda-looking, her hair slightly messy. I walk over to her and sit down beside her.

"Hit me with another lime soda and make it extra fizzy!" I demand of the barmaid, who unbuttons her shirt and laughs.

"You are sooooo funny!"

"I'm fourteen."

She hastily buttons her shirt back up and glares at me, slamming a cheap plastic bottle of florescent liquid on the surface. I shrug and take a sip, while Wakako sniffles beside me.

"'Sup, Usami?"

She looks at me and pouts.

"Oh. It's you. Sumire's boyfriend."

I do a spit take, ignoring the curses of the barmaid.

"I have a name you know! …Then again, nobody uses my name… But I'm not just Permy's boyfriend! I'm much more than that! I'm a mind reader, I'm Kitsu's best friend, I'm a future Ice cream van owner… I'm a lot of things!"

Wakako shrugs and takes a gulp of voodoo potion.

"Whatever."

I pull out my trusty sunglasses and slip them on, reverting to my cool, collected voice of awesomeness.

"So… I hear you have a tinsy tiny jealousy problem."

Usami glares at me and growls. I hold up my hands in mock surrender.

"Don't shoot me! Just what I heard on the grapevine. Anyway, you can always talk to me, I'm here for ya."

She's not buying it.

"Just shove off, Mr I'm-A-Freak-And-Everyone-Loves-Me-For-It! I don't need your help! I've got perfect help right here!"

"From a glass of vodka?" I input helpfully, but she downs it quickly.

"No! Flavoured Water!"

I shrug and go to leave - she's bringing my vibe down.

"Stop trying to be a mini Permy anyway, one Perm's bad enough! Be careful what you wish for, okay?" She just glowers at me and says nothing.

Right. Moving on.

I scan the room with my glorious orbs in search of Kitsu, to see if the love was cranking up a notch for him and Anna. But no luck. They are probably outside in an alleyway, molesting each other or something. Okay, eww. Enough of that.

I lay my orbs upon Luca and Mikan. Right. Time to get down to business.

I slide up to them and sit down opposite them, grinning wildly and taking a sip of my Lime Soda.

"So… Friends," I say diabolically. "Salutations. You're my prisoners of LUUUURVE~ By the laws of pizza, the only way you can be freed from my dungeon is if you two swanky kids hook up by the end of the evening. Do you get my drift? Huh? Dooya?"

Luca looks like he wants to die.

Mikan grins.

"Hiya Koko! What did you get for Christmas?"

I stare at the pigtailed girl in awe. Her brain is so empty, I can't even read her thoughts! I kick Luca in the shin under the table and he yelps in pain, but Mikan doesn't even notice as she takes a sip of her lemonade.

"…Well this sucks," I sigh, gulping down my soda in annoyance. Luca glares at me and if looks could kill, I would be severely mutilated, cut up and stored in ten plastic bags right now.

I really feel for Luca, you know. Being in love with such a ditz must be hard work. He'd be better off going after Anna or Nonoko or a Pig head. In fact, Animal Pheromones would make that pretty simple.

"Hey Luca, I think you should date a Pig Head."

Luca looks at me like I'm mentally retarded, while Mikan coos and giggles, "Awww, sweet!"

I slap myself in the face. Being with Mikan just ticks me off. And being with Luca right now isn't exactly a bunch of laughs. The dope can't even speak in front of her!

"God dammit, speak!" I cry, slamming my soda on the table so that it spills. Mikan just blinks and laughs.

"Yes, lets! I want to talk about Hotaru! What about you Luca-Pyon?"

"I think Luca wants to talk about you," I butt in, winking at him. Mikan shakes her head.

"That would be silly, because I'm right here! Silly Koko!"

I stand up; I have to leave now, and not just because Mikan is driving me INSANE. I also feel urges in my lower regions. BATHROOM urges, you dirty-minded people!

I saunter off in the direction of the restrooms, trying not to think of the headache Mikan is giving me.

As I push open the door, I'm met by the sight of the one and only Natsume Hyuuga, tapping something on his phone.

"Hey… What're you doing?" I ask, unzipping my trousers. He shrugs, not looking up from his phone.

"I'm on IM Alice. Talking to Kitsu on the Important Updates."

"I swear, those things should NOT be classed as important anymore," I laugh. He nods. "So, what's Kitsu doing, anyway?"

"Told me that he just hooked up with Anna." My ears prick up instantly.

"You mean, pinkie-Anna?" He nods. "No way! Man, how does he keep this kind of stuff from me?" Natsume shrugs.

"Well… If he's been this whole time talking with Anna right under your nose and you haven't noticed, maybe you need to meet half way with him and actually focus more on him than on yourself." I blink. Has the famous Natsume Hyuuga actually said something deep?

Wait a sec. Did he just say… I was focusing more on myself than Kitsu? C'mon… He's my best friend. I pay as much attention to him as I do myself. It's just, this evening I've been side-tracked hooking everyone else up.

"I gotta go talk to him." All I hear is the signature "Hn." as I leave the restrooms.

Almost as soon as I leave I spot Kitsu in between people, face red as a raspberry. I hurry over to him. He looks up, then stammers, as if he's embarrassed he's been caught with such an abnormally coloured face.

"K-Koko!" I grin and slap him on the back.

"Hey Buddy! I heard you hooked up with Anna Umenomiya. Serious skill." He stares.

"Wh-Who'd you hear that from?"

"Natsume." He nods, some of the colour fading in his cheeks.

"O-Oh."

"Aw, why are you getting so embarrassed? You got a girlfriend! Now you, me, Anna and Perm can go on double-dates! It'll be great!" I laugh. He grins awkwardly.

"Yeah… I guess it'll be fun."

"Hey! Koko!" I turn around. Permy totters over to me. I grin.

"Hey, Sumi-"

"Don't give me any of that!" She growls. I take a step back.

"Perm…? What-"

"What the heck have I told you about butting into other people's business?" she demands. "I mean, throughout the entire time we've been at Alice Academy I've been constantly reminding you to stay out of people's personal affairs, but noooooo, instead you decide to just dive into issues and jump to conclusions… And… And…!" Her face turns red as she tries to get the words out.

"AND NOW, THANKS TO YOU, THEY'RE TOGETHER AND HAPPY AS CLAMS!" She starts gasping heavily, as the colour in her face begins to fade. I gawp.

"Talk about a Devil Explosion," I say shakily. "But what are you talking about?"

"Nonoko and Yuu, of course!" She says. Her face breaks out into an uneasy grin. At once the image of the Cheshire Cat comes to mind.

"Okay, maybe I was yelling a bit too much - heck, I enjoy yelling at you! But seriously. Stay out of people's business and let them work out their own issues, okay?" She grabs my hand. "I'll let you off lightly this time cause they're happy now. But you still have to be punished." She gives me a light peck on the cheek. "Bad boy," she grins. I roll my eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, I know…" My face also breaks out into a grin. "But, you know, if you wanna punish me even more, you could always spank me."

"Koko!" she growls, face red. She stalks off, shoving her handbag at me for me to carry. Kitsu grins at me.

"Oooooh, man, just look at you, getting all kissy with the Perm-Germ," he teases. I beam proudly.

"Just shows how irresistible I am," I explain. At that moment, Mikan comes running up to me.

"Hey, Koko, Kitsuneme!" she squeals, waving. I wave back.

"Hey, Mikan, how're you doing?" She shrugs, sipping a cola.

"I'm just peachy, you know?" she giggles. Her face is so pink she looks like she's about to burst with excitement.

"…Mikan? Are you feeling okay?" Kitsu asks worriedly, folding his arms. She nods, giggling some more.

"Just… well, you'll never guess," she says, smacking her lips together and squashing the straw wedged between her teeth.

"You're drunk?" I guess. She shakes her head.

"Nope! Come closer!" Me and Kitsu lean in towards her.

"Luca-Pyon… Luca-Pyon asked Hotaru out! And I was right there! She just came over to the table with some salad and Luca-Pyon just came out with it. He was all like, 'IMAI, W-W-WOULD YOU GO OUT WITH ME SOME TIME?' and Hotaru didn't say anything, but I could tell they were totally hitting it off. And, well, yeah," Mikan gabbles, a huge smile on her face. I shrug.

"Sounds about right." Mikan gives me a hug.

"Thank you, Koko! It was the conversation you were having earlier with me and Luca-Pyon that gave him the courage to say all of that!"

"Back away from my boyfriend!" I hear Permy shriek from the other side of the room. Mikan stiffens, before pulling away quickly.

"Uh, right, um… I'm gonna go find Natsu-"

"He's in the men's room," I announce. She looks disappointed.

"Oh… Well, I'm gonna go see if I can find Nobara-chan around or anything. See ya, guys!" She skips away.

Kitsu laughs and waves.

"Now come on," I say, slapping him on the back again and dragging him over to the salad bar. "Lets see how much of this shit we can pour into Permy's handbag before she notices. It'd be so hilarious if she didn't notice the entire evening and then got back to her dorm and all this leafy garbage was stuffed inside."

He pauses for a moment, before his face breaks into a huge smile.

"Okay!"

**EDIT: Okay, guys, it's VERY late arriving, but I figured it'd be wrong to wait until next year before you guys could read it. So, here it is now ^w^ I'm sorry you guys had to wait so long. Please review for Koko and Kitsu, okay? =3**


	5. Head Over Sneakers in Love

**A/N: Thanks guys so much for all the reviews I got! And, Jonzz, YES this IS a Valentine's Day update! But not only that~ Also, it's my birthday on the 21st**** of February, so I figured I'd combine the two events for a super awesome chapter!**

**Please review for the sake of the mighty Kitsu ;D**

**My Blog**

**12/2/11**

Okay, back again. This little instalment is slightly different from all of the other times I've written this weird journal thing. Cause it's not just a journal. IT'S A BLOG.

Not just any blog, as well. It's the ultimate IM Alice blog. I seem to be the only one bothering to use it though, which is annoying, cause now I feel like I'm writing to myself.

Me and Anna got together over Christmas, by the way. At the time I was really mad at Koko for just letting her cry like that, but now I need to treat him to an ice-cream down at Central Town as a thanks. If it weren't for that very awkward Christmas dinner at the pizza bar, I don't know what would've become of our new relationship.

I like everything about her… Her glossy, gorgeous candy-pink hair, and her big blue eyes, and her creamy skin like rose petals… and now she's going to freak out that I'm writing like this and will probably come and sneak into my room later just to interrogate me - well, I'll be lucky if she moves away from her laptop to come see me. But I don't care. Cause I'm in love with Anna Umenomiya, and no one can take that feeling of raw affection from me.

All I can say is, I'm kinda disappointed that Mikan and Luca-Pyon didn't get together over Christmas. I tried so hard as well… but, meh. I don't intend on messing with them now. I'm preoccupied with LOVE.

I must be really sad. I mean, I'm acting like people are actually going to read this, and appriciate this. Whatever.

Yours awesomely,

Kitsu :D

**FEEDBACK**

_All feedback messages are anonymous._

**You Know Who I Am **WOOOOOOOOO, I AM A GHOOOOOOOOOOOOOST 8D

**Unappreciated Orange **Aww, how cute! You and Anna make such a cute couple!

**UltraManiacFan62 **Shut up, panda-print.

**Unappreciated Orange **Natsume you jerk! You chose your username just to spite me!

**UltraManiacFan62 **What? Ultra Maniac is a good show. Sexy, too. And by the way, isn't this feedback supposed to be anonymous?

**Bread **YOUR BLOG IS HAUUUUUUUUNTEDDDDDD!

**Sex-Queen **Whoever the hell "Bread" is, STOP POSTING UNIMPORTANT FEEDBACK.

**Bread **That cuts me deep, Sex-Queen… L ;)

**Candy-Pink **Kitsu! That's so… embarrassing *blushes*

**Kawako **AT LEAST YOU'RE LOVED!

**Sex-Queen **You're starting to sound like Fugly.

**Kawako **No, of course not, erm… well, yeah, you know what I mean. I'm… I'm available.

**Luca **Um… What were you saying about me and Sakura?

**My Blog**

**12/2/11**

Wow, you people did NOT disappoint! I'm actually shocked at how many people gave feedback.

And, just for the record, Luca-Pyon…

Just signing in as "Luca" isn't keeping it anonymous. No matter how French you may be, it just isn't acceptable.

Cause I know the French do these kind of things.

In fact, I knew who every one of you were. Come up with some more original names guys!

Btw Koko… Bread is not an original name -_-

Anyway, there's two days until Valentines day and, although I'm having my own problems in the field of love (I'll get onto that later) I'm determined to get Luca and Mikan together. I mean, it's obvious they like each other, so WHY THE HELL AREN'T THEY SNOGGING EACH OTHERS FACES OFF!

Oh, and Koko and THE MIGHTY PERM are having some relationship problems. Well, one problem. Koko. The Perm got upset that Koko thought cheese was a romantic Valentines present. Then when Koko invited her to see **Ninja Zombies II **(the epic four hour long Director's Cut) on Valentines Day, she wasn't impressed. Which is why she's got Mochu as a Valentine and Koko's making a Forever Alone cake and watching wrestling into the night.

I would've joined him ofc, but I'm OBVIOUSLY going out with Anna, the most beautiful girl on the planet and very POINTEDLY my date. I'm warning you animals. Anna is MY gf.

Now, I'm taking Anna out on a very special date, so I want you guys to give me some tips. Where should I take her? I'm freaking out cause I am the most handsome man on the planet and yet I have no idea where our love nest should be. HELP!

Yours awesomely,

Kitsu :D

**FEEDBACK**

_All feedback messages are anonymous._

**Forever Alone **You should take her to go to **Ninja Zombies II **maaaaaan! (I'll tag along for giggles)

**Sex-Queen **If I were you, I wouldn't go to **Ninja Zombies II**, it's downright humiliating to be invited there for a date, and plus it's a suckish movie and you don't want Koko sat behind you crunching nachos as loudly as someone can.

**Forever Alone **Nachos are good, dammit!

**UltraManiacFan62 **You should book **The Tree **in **The Hall **like me and Mikan did.

**Orangey **NOT TRUE! I never booked **The Tree **with Natsume! He's just being jerky because I haven't asked him back out yet.

**Orangey **And Natsume can't BEAR to be single for more then a week UAU

**UltraManiacFan62 **Not true. Before you came to this school I'd never gone out with anyone. You changed me.

**Orangey **AWW! Natsume, I forgive you, kyaaaaaaa x3 You wanna go out?

**UltraManiacFan62 **Sure (stage one complete ;D)

**Luca **What do you mean, "The French do stuff like that?" I oughta sue you.

**Kitsu **But you won't, cause you love me ;)

**Sex-Queen **Kyaaaa, is this the fabulous start of a yaoi relationship? *grabs yaoi manga*

**1234TellMeThatYouLoveMeMOAR **Yuck, I'm pretty sure he didn't mean it like that.

**Kawako **Who the heck are you?

**1234TellMeThatYouLoveMeMOAR **It's me, guys. Mochu.

**Sex-Queen **My TRUE LOVE!

**Smidge ***grabs gun*

**1234TellMeThatYouLoveMeMOAR ***is shot dead*

**Ghostie **lol

**My Blog**

**12/2/11**

Still no feedback on the actual crisis, guys =A= Where the heck should I take Anna for our Raburi Romansu Day?

If you're wondering, I just got an IM from Permy when we were discussing the name for my blog. I'm NEVER going to Permy for naming advice again. EVER.

So what, guys, are you so bored of the Important Updates that you've decided to hack my blog instead? I was actually using this for something WORTHWHILE!

But, on that note, congratulations for winning back Mikan's heart, Natsume ;) Hehehe. I'm guessing you guys will be booking **The Tree **this year, then? Shame. But I'm pretty sure Anna would get embarrassed if we started doing in between the branches. The twigs would get you-know-where and what-but-how places, Y'know? *SHOT*

Seriously though… Koko, **Ninja Zombies II **is NOT a romantic date spot, no matter how exciting and action-packed it is. And it's true, you DO crunch your way through nachos louder than any other human being. But will ya save me a slice of the Forever Alone cake? I wanna compare it to Anna's marvellous cooking :D

But c'mon, guys! You guys are STILL unoriginal! And Luca-Pyon, I know you're French, but really, that's still no excuse to prance around, flashing your name the way Mikan flashes around her knickers. Seriously. It's not cute.

Now, where was I? Oh, right. Give me advice, dammit! I'm really confused and probably at the most dramatic climax of my life, and you guys are talking about how loudly Koko crunches nachos? What is wrong with you people? I am absolutely FURIOUS with life, and this whole time you're just banging on about** Ninja Zombies II **like it's your best friend! Can you guys actually help me please?

Yours awesomely,

Kitsu :D

**FEEDBACK**

_All feedback messages are anonymous._

**Shadow-King **Since when did Luca-Pyon flash his knickers, Kitsu? Unless… you've seen it… or something… -SHOT-

**Luca **I DON'T WEAR KNICKERS! AND I DON'T FLASH, ANYWAY!

**Orangey **HEY! I don't flash my knickers around, Natsume STEALS them!

**UltraManiacFan62 **Oh rly? I believe at Permy's birthday party you lost your panties. I just happened to find them on the floor and added them to my collection.

**Orangey **You have a COLLECTION? GROSS!

**Kitsu **Well played, my friend *hi-fives*

**UltraManiacFan62 **The only people I high-five are Luca and Odd Della Robbia.

**Sex-Queen **Who?

**Ghostie **He's started watching this French cartoon called Code Lyoko.

**Luca **My home country! My mother-spoken-language has finally come back to kick the ass of anime worldwide! *Happy-dances*

**Kitsu ***Films*

**Luca **Hey, stop virtually-filming my happy dance!

**Kitsu **This is VERY *SHOT*-worthy, my friend.

**Luca **I am no longer your friend, but your sworn enemy. Stop filming my happy-dance, dammit!

**Kitsu **This is the "Overthrowing-Kitsu" debate all over again, isn't it? D':

**Shadow-King **Hey, Kitsu. I have an idea for your Raburi Romansu Day.

**Kitsu **Come over to the dorms now, then. I'm… intrigued.

**My Blog**

**15/2/11**

Well… I have to hand it to Tsubasa. His idea was probably the most constructive I'd heard all night. Thanks, man. I owe you an ice-cream in Central Town for your troubles.

I swear, I could die today without any regrets… I feel like a corpse just lying back on my bed, typing with my toes. I have a lot of practice and a spell-checker, so this blog doesn't come out completely freaky. But I swear. Last night was probably the best night of my life.

Okay, so Anna came in this gorgeous dress. If you're one of the ladies who helped her choose it, I'll need to treat you guys too. She looked AMAZING. She was wearing this beautiful little black sleeveless mini-dress and skin-tights, with her gorgeous pink hair tied up in a bun and she had this little silver necklace on. I felt so shabby in comparison - all I was wearing was a clean white shirt and a denim jacket with some new jeans. Not a patch on her.

So she was all embarrassed and stuff when I complimented her, then I took her hand and we walked through the North Woods.

Yep, you guessed it. Tsubasa rented out Mr Bear's cabin for the night, specially for us. I can't thank you enough, dude.

We ate dinner together (I prepared a picnic beforehand) and everything was just so perfect… Like a romance story I might one day write.

And then she kissed me. It was the most amazing feeling in the world. I, Kitsuneme the Great, experiencing his first kiss with Geeky Sister 2, the shy and graceful queen of the cooker who wasn't put off by the fact that she's never even seen my real eye-colour, or the fact that I didn't use my Alice to fly both of us over to Mr Bear's hut, and instead made us walk (me struggling with the picnic basket).

Now I am completely head over sneakers (only girls wear heels, after all, with the exception of Narumi, who wears heels on a daily basis regardless of the fact that he is a dude who is self-proclaimedly in love with Mikan's mom) in love with Anna Umenomiya… I don't know if I'll be able to sleep tonight. I just can't stop thinking about that kiss… Mmm… It was so nice…

I know I'm being mushy, so this is where my blog ends for now. Anyone who leaves feedback is going to get a foot in the face from me and my epic kung-fu skills. You've been warned.

Yours awesomely,

Kitsu :DPS. Anna… ILY (^_^)b

**A/N: **Aww, Kitsu, you're so cute x3 So passionate with Anna, and everything… Thanks for all the lovely reviews on the previous chapters, everybody, I never thought when I wrote Kitsu's Journal it'd ever get as popular as it is (wow… 26 reviews… one of my most popular fics yet… XD).

So, I guess as well as this being a celebration for my upcoming thirteenth birthday on the 21st and Valentine's Day on the 14th, this is also a thanks to all my lovely reviewers who I've tried hard to please along the way. I love you all *wipes tears away* so, so, so much… Especially Ariisha-chan, who's left a load of funny and supportive reviews, and is now one of my best friends on YT. ILY~

ALSO! Happy Valentine's day to my gorgeous Wifey -SHOT SHOT SHOT- These last few months I've spent with you have been fa-bu-lous ;D And working on Maple with you has been a lot of fun too x3 I hope that we can continue it sometime soon. I'll probably show you this little heart-warming "thank you" at school on St Valentine's and will be burying my face in my hands with embarrassment, so please try not to laugh at my mush ;D

Thank you to my friendys, on YT, or Skype, or FFN, or just in real life, cause thanks to you guys I feel like I can really be myself and reach my full potential, which I used to be scared to do, cause a lot of people thought I was nuts (which I am, hence my surname -SHOT- but it's not nice when people say it to your face =S). And to a certain EG… I am NOT a b*tchy whore, so stop saying I am, dammit! =A=

With this ridiculously long authors note out of the way, thank you if you've read all the way to the end. This will be my last post as an innocent twelve-year-old girl ^^ So I just wanted to say thank you for that. St Valentine's, here I come!

PS. Review for Kitsu, ne? ;D


	6. The Big ONE SIX

**A/N: A HUGE thank you to Jonzz, KidTantei, The Devils Song, Mikie-chan and OFC Ariisha-chan, who left me an EXTRA LONG, EXTRA LOVELY review ;) Thanks so much, guys!**

**Oh, and Mikie-chan… You want another Koko one? Well, maybe I'll include another one… maybe not. If you haven't already, if you add me on author alert (this isn't free advertising, by the way ^^;;) it'll alert you if I ever write/upload a separate Koko fic in the future. But I'm glad you like my work, so… Well, if I ever do write another Koko fic in this one, it'll be dedicated to you, my loyal Koko fan ;)**

**Okay, gaizu, we all know this day comes around once a year… YES! YOU GUESSED IT! Kitsu's birthday, everybody! It'll happen on the 4th**** of April, so if you guys haven't already, buy him a present and send it to me! I'll make sure it arrives to him safely *grins sneakily***

**Oh! I thought I should mention that (like it hasn't been brought up a million times already) the IM Alice that I keep referring to is actually from Kitsu's Journal's sister-fic, IM Alice Messenger! :D If you haven't read it yet, go do that now! You won't be disappointed! But you don't have to just to know what's going on here~ It just gives a fuller backstory on where all their semi-warped personalities came from 8D**

**Anyway~ On with the fic!**

Journal of Kitsuneme the Great

3rd of April, 11:00 PM

Okay, my journal. How I've missed you, how I've yearned for you as you've lay under my bed, gathering dust with each passing moment of pain and regret…

Ah, who am I kidding? I've been so crazy over Anna recently, I didn't even remember until I cleaned up my room.

Hey, whoever dares pick up my journal. It is I, Kitsuneme the Great, writing in my journal with a pen that keeps running away from me every time I try to write.

Okay, swapped the pen. End of.

It's been ages since I last wrote in this wonderful journal, and you can tell because my handwriting's improved in legibility by fifty-percent fold. But don't blame me. A lot of stuff has happened.

For instance, I met the love of my life, Anna Umenomiya (but if you've been paying attention to my blog on IM Alice, you'd know that), and she is now my girlfriend who I love very much. I've also been working hard trying to get the couples in the walls of this school that I ship together, though I've been failing (Koko did a better job on Christmas day then I did, though this is the only time I'll ever admit it). One of the couples he got together just happened to be Anna and I, even though I could tell that we had been hitting it off from Christmas eve anyway.

And then came Valentine's Day, where I took her to Mr Bear's cabin and we shared true love's first kiss. That had to be one of the most romantic nights of my life. Apart from Anna's birthday, which I'll come onto now.

The 2nd of March. Anna Umenomiya's birthday. Now, that is obviously one of the most stressful days of a guy's life. Cause, naturally, the girl expects the guy to offer her the planet Venus.

Anna, being the polite girl she is, obviously tried to pretend that she was fine with me just saying Happy Birthday to her, but A) I could totally tell that that wasn't the case, and B) I'm way too in love with her to just say Happy Birthday.

So I threw a party. It went better then I planned, actually, with streamers and pop tarts and I got the guy with the Glitter Alice and the Club Penguin hat to make glitter fall from the sky, and Tsubasa offered to DJ for me for 30 rabbits, which was within reasonable boundaries, so as I held Anna's hand under the moonlit sky (we partied out by the North Woods, just so the teachers wouldn't be on our cases) we danced to an anime insert-song, and she rested her head on my chest and IT WAS LIKE A FIREWORK DISPLAY WAS SHOOTING OFF INSIDE OF ME. I seriously had never felt so alive in my entire life.

And now, it's the 3rd of April, 11:00 pm. Only one hour until my birthday. And I'm drinking something I found on a bench on campus, which I'm pretty sure isn't flavoured water. It's giving me a headache. Great…

Speaking of headaches… Koko was giving me a huge one today.

"_Kitsu," he had moaned, flopping down in his desk next to me this morning. I'd sighed and turned to him._

"_What is it?" I'd asked flatly._

"_I'm sore," he'd whined. "From last night with Sumire…" I'd shuddered. The last thing I needed to hear were stories about their sex life._

"_Shut UP, Koko!" Permy had yelled, throwing a shoe over the room. It hit Koko across the back of the head with such precision I couldn't help but wonder if she'd been practising for that opportunity to come._

_She turned to the girls, red-faced. "We have NOT been doing that kind of thing!" She stormed out of the classroom, miffed._

"_We have," he'd mouthed, causing them to giggle. I wrinkled my nose in disgust._

"_Girls can be such perverts," I'd groaned, head-butting the desk._

Mind you, Koko was the worst of them all. I mean, I'm not going to reveal much, but Anna and I haven't exactly gotten to the point Koko has supposedly reached. We haven't tried that stuff yet, because besides, we've only just reached that age where it's actually… you know… legal.

Well, I'm going to sleep now. And I'm praying that the drink I didn't pick up off the bench was vodka.

4th of April

6:00 PM

This has been, by far, one of the worst birthday's I've ever had.

So, I'm sixteen now. Yay, you say. Well, I wanted to say it too, but I felt like I had a bit of a hangover this morning. Damn that drink I stole from the bench on campus.

I woke up with Koko grinning into my face and singing Happy Birthday. Turns out he'd made another one of his goofy cakes, only this one said, "You're Legal" on it. I didn't realise at the time what it meant. If I did I probably would've dug deeper under my covers and stayed there.

He'd held out a present in front of me and I'd taken it. It wasn't exactly like I could say no. And as I unwrapped it, I suddenly came to the realisation of what it was.

"…Condoms?" I groaned. He nodded, oblivious.

"Yes, my good buddy! You're legal now!" I face-palmed.

"Look, Koko-"

"No, _you_ look, Kitsu!" he interrupted. "I'm doing you a favour here, y'know, seeing as you haven't gotten very far with Anna just yet. Now's the golden opportunity! She can't deny you the perfect birthday present, now, can she?"

"But I don't wanna pressure her into having sex with me," I snapped. "Anna's my girlfriend! We'll figure something out - but in our own time."

"I'm not saying you'll be pressuring her," he grinned. "How do you know that Anna hasn't been wanting you in bed for that long?" I narrowed my eyes.

"…What do you know?"

"Too much, my friend," he said, sighing tragically. "Some really dirty things go on in such _innocent _minds…"

"Cut to the chase," I said darkly. "What have you been spying on in Anna's mind?" He raised his hands in mock surrender.

"Now, now, Kitsu… I wouldn't call it _spying_… I'd call it a peek into your future." I frowned.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well… Anna likes you, right? She probably wants to share all kinds of things - feelings, sensations, emotions - with you. Like any other girl her age, she wants to have sex - most preferably, with you. But, being the shy, charming young girl she is, she most certainly will not ask for it - she will wait for you to make the first move. On behalf of our friend and classmate, Anna Umenomiya, who is in fear of remaining a virgin if she is not laid tonight… Shove those condoms in her hand and get hot and heavy already."

"Please, Koko, just… no. I can't."

"Aww, come ooooooooooonnnnnn~" whined Koko. "You know you want toooooooo~ Anna's your girlfriendddddd~"

"I'm getting dressed," I said, climbing out of bed.

Koko didn't leave me alone all through breakfast, even going as far as pouring my coffee and buttering my toast. Bribery wouldn't work on me, but I didn't say anything, as I like being pampered on my birthday.

When I'm a famous author, I'll have sexy maids who'll do all that for me, while rubbing my feet and looking cute enough to eat.

…But not as cute as Anna, of course.

Speaking of Anna, I could see her candy pink head over on the other side of the hall.

Strange, her and Nonoko and Yuu always ate with me and Koko in the morning. I strained my neck, trying to see who she was sitting with. No sign of Nonoko's raven hair, or Yuu's sandy mop. Was that… Mikan? And…

"Jealous, Kitsu?" Koko purred, sprinkling sugar on my cereal. I punched his arm, standing on my seat to get a good look.

Anna was sitting beside Mikan, laughing and sitting opposite a boy from the high school division.

"Hey Kitsu, mate, looks like you have competition!" Koko winked at me, but I wasn't in the mood. Why was she eating breakfast with-

"Tsubasa Andou, 20 years old, Mikan's sempai" Nonoko explained, taking a sip of some pink sparkling liquid, "I told Anna she should go hang out with them for a bit. I mean, she doesn't have to be around you all the time, does she?"

That hurt.

"Nonoko, what the hell have you done! Why'd you go introduce her to another guy!"

"So you _are_ jealous!"

Surprisingly, Koko had a mouthful of cereal when those words were said. I turned to see Yuu, who looked triumphant.

"Anna's been talking with Andou for a few days now, they seem quite close."

"I hear he offered to take her into central town!"

"Hey, look, she just gave him some home-made muffins! How cute!"

No. She only makes _me_ home made muffins. Something's not right here. Was… Was something wrong? Did I do something? Just yesterday Anna was laughing as we shared a smoothie in a cute café downtown. Wasn't it only last week we celebrated our monthaversary?

I frowned and sat down in my seat, losing the appetite I hadn't had in the first place. I wasn't dumb - I knew Anna was way too good for a guy like me. She's gorgeous, from a wealthy family, graceful, elegant, smart… everything I'm not. We're too different. Way too different.

I turned to Koko, who was then balancing a spoon on his nose and trying to eat toast at the same time. He shrugged, grinning.

"Go over there and win her back, you moron!"

I shook my head, pushing my bowl away and picking up my bag.

"Forget it, Koko. I'm, er… I'm gonna go to class."

I stalked over to my seat in Jinno's classroom and pulled out a scrap of paper. When I'm upset, I write, that's just what I do.

…Not that I'm upset or anything. Who needs girls?

_Young Prince Kitsuneme was well and truly in love with the beautiful princess Anna from the neighbouring village. They sent each other romantic messages, cute presents (usually muffins) and even spent evenings alone in a cute little cottage on the outskirts of town (where they just happened to share True Love's First Kiss). They were supposed to live happily ever after…_

_And then he came along. A knight from across the seas, tall dark and handsome - Sir Andou the Shadow. He was obnoxious, vain and extremely handsome, much to Kitsuneme's horror. The ladies swooned over him as he rode through town, winning hearts with his charm and his cute star-shaped birthmark. Of course, Kitsuneme and Anna were living happily ever after, eating cookies and having balls with the local Count and Countess, Lord Koko and the stern and terrifying Lady Perm._

_And then he came along. With a flick of his magic shadow-casting he had the beautiful Anna under a spell - a spell bound by romance. The beautiful Anna began to change, morphing, her sugar pink hair falling in evil black ringlets, her soft sky blue eyes glowing blood red. She gave a laugh, a half smile, then kicked Kitsuneme aside, alone with the cruel Aristocrats that were Class B._

_And so Kitsuneme lived all alone for the rest of his days, with only tales of Lord and Lady Koko's sexual antics to pleasure him. Yay._

I folded the paper up and shoved it into my pocket, scowling as Jinno droned on and on about long division.

This is going to be a long and tedious birthday.

To be continued… (YES! I REALLY MEAN IT!)

**A/N: So, yes, we left it on a bit of a cliffy… Well, no matter, for it WILL be continued, specially for Easter! ^_^**

**I know it kind of… ya know… cuts off there. But I had major writers block, so MugiChanx helped me out (THANK YOU, ILY NEE-CHAN!). I'm sorry that I let you guys down with this lack of update D: But I've been MEGASSA BUSY, NYONRO~**

**Now, if you'd be kind enough to leave a review for our heartbroken Kitsu… he sure could use it right now… *glomps***


	7. Vanilla Muffins are the BEST Kind

**A/N: Aaaand, here is part two for our special Birthday/Easter special! I forgot to mention last chapter, but Kitsu shares a birthday with a lovely friend of mine, Roza (: She probably won't see this, but meh. I felt it would be right just to mention it.**

**Thank you to KidTantei, Jonzz, Ariisha-chan and Mikie-chan for your awesome reviews! Kitsu really appreciates them, honestly :D And yes, Mikie-chan, of COURSE I'll write another Koko fanfic. Not sure when it'll be up… but I will, I promise (: (although like I've said before, not sure if it'll be in Kitsu's Journal.) Without your sexy reviews I wouldn't have 7 chapters already… This fic was seriously supposed to be a oneshot, but you guys gave me so lovely reviews I couldn't resist making more chapters. So THANK YOU!**

**And now, without further ado… The Easter Special! (Which'll probably have nothing to do with Easter because, ya know, it's following on from the 4****th**** of April!)**

Journal of Kitsuneme the Great

5th of April

Continuation from yesterday

I was much too busy to continue my tale of woe and magic yesterday, so I'll just carry on now. Now my emotions are more in check, it'll be a lot easier to write. Right… back to yesterday.

I couldn't stop the feeling of gloom from falling on me. Every single moment I replayed in my head that I'd spent with Anna, one thought always crept between the beautiful fantasies.

_She could do with so much better then you._

It's true, though. Glum as I am to admit it, Anna's got a hope, a future - I haven't. Every day I know that at the back of my mind that worry is always there, but I'm blinded by my love for her. Well, not anymore - I can't be, when she's so in love with somebody else. Tsubasa Andou. Once friend, now love rival.

I sat outside at lunch, leaning my head against Mr Bear's cabin. I felt so alone as I ate my food, hearing laughing voices from the courtyard everywhere I turned. This was the same cabin that me and Anna had shared our first kiss. The same cabin we'd shared our first date, too.

It was sad, to think that I'd tried so hard for our date, and it was Tsubasa Andou himself who originally helped us out in the first place. He can talk to Mr Bear, can negotiate without getting his ass kicked by him. He made reservations at Mr Bear's cabin, offering to take the homicidal furry off our hands for the night in order to give us some "Alone Time", as he liked to call it. I was so grateful at the time… Now I know it was all a game to him.

"He played us, the stupid bastard," I growled. "He pushed me around and played me like an instrument - tweaking my feelings, pushing my buttons, pretending to be my friend one moment and stealing my one true love the next-!"

"Hey… That's not a nice thing to say about the guy who hooked you guys up."

I turned around. None other then the bastard himself was stood before me, a sheepish grin on his face. He pushed his weird hat further up his head.

"So… you saw Anna hanging around with me this morning, huh?"

"Yeah," I spat, "sure did."

"Aww, man… So you ditched her. At lunch. When she baked those muffins for you."

"But she didn't, did she?" I glared at him. "She baked them for you. You're her new crush, after all!" He blinked.

"…What?"

"Don't act so surprised," I snapped, "I _saw _you eating them at breakfast!"

"…" He looked puzzled for a few seconds. Then he hit himself on the head. "Oh! You're talking about the earlier batch she made! She didn't make them for _me_! I was just trying them out for her. Trust me, she came to me last night _almost in tears _cause everyone was too busy to try out the muffins she kept making. She made batch after batch, just hoping she could make the perfect muffins for you in time for your birthday. She was so proud this morning when she had created some she was proud of. She called me and Mikan over, insisting that she had the best batch she'd ever made. She begged us to try it, just hoping that you'd like them. She didn't want to seem too desperate so she pretended she didn't notice you when you came in, just so that you'd be all that more happier when she presented them to you at lunch." He looked down.

"But I guess you didn't wait around for her. You got jealous. You thought she'd made them for me. You jumped to conclusions and ran off, not waiting to hear what she had to say." Each word stabbed deeper into my heart. All that time… she'd wanted to make them for _me_?

"But why didn't she just say something? Anything?" I clenched my fists. "I wasn't rushing into things - I thought she was the type of girl who'd want to take things slow. But… If I knew she was going to go so far to please me… Dammit!" I threw my head against the cabin. "I've been such a dumbass."

"Well, my underclassman, the day is still young! If you catch her now, you might be able to make things right again and try some of those muffins - they were really good!" He slapped me on the back and tilted his hat up. "Get going, good buddy. Go and win your girl back."

"…Thanks…" The one word I didn't think I'd utter to that person on the same day my life was almost wrecked.

I ran back to the classroom, heart in my mouth. Actually, the expression "heart in my mouth" sounds REALLY gross. I mean, that would mean you'd be tasting your own heart, right? How disgusting is that? Ugh. Mental image.

I reckon The Perm Monster would eat hearts. She'd go on a rampage, just running through town, sucking out people's hearts with a straw why they slept, leaving a gaping bloody hole in their bodies as she struck again. Like a vampire.

Anyway, enough about Permy. She's annoying.

I thundered into the classroom, eye-slits darting around wildly in hope of finding my true love. The only people there were Mikan and a few pig heads.

"Oh, hi Kitsu! Happy birthday! What did you get, huh?" She hopped off the table she was perched on and tottered over to me. I ignored her question.

"Mikan. Did you see Anna anywhere? I need to find her!" She shook her head, confused.

"N-No, I-"

"Okay, see you then!" I spun on my heels, ready to leave.

"Wait!" I turned to see a pig head sat at a desk, wearing sunglasses and an aged expression on its face.

"…Who are you?" I asked. It hitched its glasses further up its face before sighing.

"I am many things… The sea, the sky, the earth we walk upon with our disgustingly tainted feet… But I'm more commonly known as The Human Pork." I blinked.

"…I don't think I've met you before. But, I really have to go-"

"I know where the fair maiden you're in search of happens to be hiding." I squinted.

"Really?"

"Of course. Like I said, I am many things. Including a bird-photographer. Which is how I came to discover your pink-haired lady. When in need of comfort and affection she perches beneath a nourished tree in the south woods, where the horizon splashes across the tree tops like graffiti tainting this ugly industrial world we were destined to live in… I would head to her now, before it is too late to turn back the clock on the tarnished love the two of you used to harbour fruitfully."

I only understood about half of that.

"Er, thank you, uh-?"

"The Human Pork. Tachibana Higuchi, as I am known to others by…" The pig head turned back to its book and continued to read, pushing its sunglasses further up its head.

I left the classroom, almost tripping over my own feet, before scampering onwards in the direction of the south woods.

…You have NO IDEA how long it took to get to the south woods when I was stood in the north woods only five minutes previously.

As I was ready to begin trekking through the woods to find my true love, sniffling broke my train of thoughts in their tracks (no pun intended). It was coming from my right. I began chivalrously marching through the woods, heading in the direction of the sniffing I could hear without a doubt was someone crying.

I had only passed a few trees when Anna came into view, sitting against a tree trunk, tears flowing from her crystal blue orbs like waterfalls.

"Anna?" She looked up, an image of pure sadness and surprise.

"K-Kistuneme-?" I ran over to her and fell to my knees beside her, throwing my arms round her small shoulders and feeling her trembling in my arms.

"…I… I thought you were mad at me…" I shook my head.

"I'm not! I couldn't be! Now that I know how you've been crying, and everything…!" I caressed her silky hair, breathing in her scent. She smelled like vanilla, in case you guys were wondering.

"K-Kitsu…" Her voice came out in a sob. "I-I never tried anything with Sempai, honestly, I didn't! I-It was just… Nonoko and Koko insisted that I hung around him, a-and, I was, well, asking him to try my muffins t-to see if you would like them, b-because I, I didn't want you to try them if they weren't p-perfect…!"

I froze. Wait a second. Did she say…?

"Koko and Nonoko set you up with Tsubasa?" I frowned. "But…"

"Th-They said it'd make you jealous," she said, shame-faced. "A-And, well… I know that you like me, Kitsu, but… But you haven't asked to get so close to me!" I stopped dead in my tracks.

Okay, allow me to explain. Girls have codes. Okay? The Perm Germ posted them on IM Alice a few months ago.

1. Girls should always wear padded bras. (hey, I never knew it was a law… not that I'm complaining.)

2. Girls should always leave their first two buttons unbuttoned so more of their cleavage can be seen. (again, not complaining.)

3. Guys never make the first move.

This was the one I was confused over. She should've known that, right? If she looks at the dumb posts left on the wall by Permy, she should know that us guys don't make the first move (allegedly). So, with all due respect with my one true love, what was she expecting?

"I waited and waited for you to ask me if I wanted to have sex with you, but… well, you never asked! How clear was I supposed to make myself? I tried dropping hints for ages, but you never took any notice, and… Well, it's kind of embarrassing to ask you!" Her face flushed red.

I stared, too shocked to speak.

…Koko was right all along. Sinister thoughts really do lurk in the most innocent of girls.

"…I… I didn't realise you felt that way," I said finally, sighing heavily. "I mean… Well, I thought…"

"That I was different?" She looked up at me, sad-eyed. "I really wanted to be. I didn't want to be one of those girls begging you for that kind of thing, since you weren't the type to pressure me. But… I couldn't help it. I love you so much, you know…?" She looked down, face as red as could be. "…I'm sorry. You don't want to, right?"

"A-Are you kidding me?" I gasped. "I-I never asked because I assumed that you weren't into that kind of thing, not because I didn't want to! Besides…" My face began to grow hot under her gaze. "…Koko gave me the perfect present to help out in a situation like this."

**WOW.**

…Okay, disregard the comment above. I was hyped up.

The basics of things that just happened is… Well, me and Anna skipped afternoon classes and spent the final hours of the school day making love in her room (mine was a bit of a sty, and I don't want my lady to be put off by that). My babe isn't a virgin anymore. And I know that sounds creepy, but I'm too freaking dizzy to care right now.

Koko's present came in handy after all. You see, at the end of the day, while I thought that by having sex with Anna our relationship would be plastic and meaningless, I was completely wrong. I'm still me, Anna's still Anna, and our love is stronger then I thought it ever could be. Sex amplifies it. That's the conclusion that I've come to.

"Kitsu," she giggled after we'd done IT. "You have no idea how much I love you."

"I'm feeling exactly the same way," I said, giving her my best grin. "You're gorgeous all over. I swear. Personality-wise, and… well, body-wise too. You're _sexy_." Her cheeks turned pink.

"You're great too," she whispered, snuggling against my chest. "I just have on tiny little favour to ask."

"Oh, yeah?" I turned to look her in the eyes. "What's that?"

"Well… I made these muffins, and… well, you never got round to trying one." She reached for the basket by the side of her bed and handed me one.

"Oh, right! I got side-tracked," I said, scratching my head sheepishly. "Sorry about that. I'll try it now." I held it in the palm of my right hand and took a bite, chewing blissfully. It was a vanilla muffin - I'd never tried one before, but honestly, it would be hard to forget one as delicious as this.

"So? How is it?" A small smile played on her lips. I swallowed, my mouth stretching into a mile-wide glowing smile.

"It's brilliant, Anna Umenomiya!"

**A/N: I'm SO SORRY that this is late, people! D: I never meant for it to be. I swear, I just couldn't come up with anything… until tonight.**

**LETS CELEBRATE THE ROYAL WEDDING! I heard it went global so I'm hoping you guys know what I'm talking about here. I can't exactly say that I find weddings interesting, but HOORAY for the wedding anyway! I'm happy for Prince William and Kate, so if they ever read this (pah. Like they'd have time to read my lowly fic) CONGRATULATIONS GUYS!**

**Also, I'm proud to say, Kitsu's been doing a little drawing while I was struggling with writers block - he's made a little character guide which you can check out here:**

**http: SLASH SLASH staterosealchemist DOT devaintart DOT com SLASH # SLASH d3f6bas**

**ALAS, I'M SORRY IT CAME UP SO FAINT. I MIGHT TRY SCANNING IT AGAIN LATER…**

**Bless him, aren't his drawings… bizarre? XD**

**Okay then, guys, I know that you probably weren't expecting a lime to crop up in this chapter. (For those of you who don't know, a lime is a less-used term in the FFN world for "implied lemon scene". In other words, a "that's-what-she-said" kind of moment.) But, ya know, I like romantic Kitsu/Anna x3 The idea originally bubbled up thanks to my big sister Mugichanx, who also helps me with Kitsu's Journal A LOT - thanks!**

**Anyway, please review for the eternal love of Kitsu and Anna!**


	8. A Guys Weekend Cut Short

**HOWDY! Didya miss me? :3 Well, I know it's been a while (since April, gack!) but trust me, this fic is FAR from over! :D Not saying that it'll have plot, but I'm determined to keep it going, since it'd be kinda sad to just leave it hanging.**

**Guess what~ It's been a year since I started Kitsu's Journal. I know, it feels like it was only yesterday for me too… I'm shocked at how well it's been going - you guys have been GREAT! So supportive and kind with your reviews ^w^ I love you all! You've been brilliant whilst reading it and when this fic does eventually end I'll be sad that it's over, cause I've come to really love Kitsu and the other side-characters of Gakuen Alice through this little fic. It was originally supposed to be a oneshot, so just knowing that you guys liked it so much that you wanted another chapter warms my heart, even now. Thank you ;w; It really means a lot.**

Hey! Guess what! It's been a year since Narumi set that dumb homework that made me realise that maybe life doesn't actually suck as much as I thought it did. Sure, he may be giving me low marks for EVERY DAMN PIECE OF HOMEWORK I HAND IN, but oh well.

Me and Anna have been chilling just great, by the way. In fact, we're almost beating Koko and Permy's record for how many times we've slept together (although I'm not saying specifically - Anna would die if she knew I was even writing any of this down). Oh, that reminds me of another thing.

We're gonna keep beating them. Cause Permy and Koko broke up.

I know, it's hard to believe; I mean, I personally find Permy irritating and uptight and annoying, but they were… I dunno, MEANT TO BE. You know what I mean?

I remember the day it happened. It was kinda grim - the sky was filled with grey clouds, and there was a cold wind blowing… you could just tell something bad would happen. And when Koko knocked on my door with tear-filled eyes I knew that something was wrong. Koko never knocks.

"Buddy, what's wrong?" I had asked, narrowing my eyeslits with concern. Koko sniffed and didn't say anything, but invited himself into my room and plonked his butt down on my bed, staring out of the window.

"Erm… Are you gonna tell me what's wrong?" I asked, taking out my favourite automatically-refilling coffee cup I 'caught' at last year's Christmas Party.

"…Sumire let me go," he said glumly. "I'm now one of many singular fish in a huge sea of… of ugly fish." His voice wavered.

Oh snap.

"Hey, c'mon, cheer up buddy! You know it creeps me out when you smile and cry at the same time!" Koko looked at me and THE WEIRDEST THING happened. He frowned. An actual frown, not like a strange smiley frown that he usually does. He wasn't smiling.

"What's the point in smiling anymore?" Koko muttered glumly, "I'm going to die alone! I'm going to work in a lonely ice-cream van in the middle of nowhere while she's off working at some posh hair salon and while her life will be going smoothly my life will be up shit's creek! I bet she'll wander outside the academy gates and marry… Tono!" he wailed, burying his head in his hands.

"Hey," I reassured him, smiling a little, "C'mon, we all know she could never make it work with Tono! Mochu, maybe… Ooh, or that guy from the middle school division that actually made a nice comment on her hair last week! You know, the one with the shark hat and the pointy elf ears!"

Koko glared at me.

"You are no help at all, man. I come to you in my moment of need and you tell me that she'll be off with some guy in a shark hat? Yeah, that's _sooo_ comforting!"

"Oh, I'm sorry," I retorted, "I wasn't comforting you because I wasn't wearing my special 'comforting scarf'. Here, let me put it on just so you'll be at freaking ease." I searched my wardrobe and picked out a stripy scarf he'd gotten me for Valentines Day as a prank last year. "Here you are, look, I'm wearing the special 'comfort scarf'. Now come over here and cry on my shoulder and let Mother Kitsu wash your sorrows away!" I know I sounded like a complete lunatic, but I really wasn't in the mood for him back-sassing me.

Koko just looked at me sadly. No retort or anything. Nothing. Zilch. Nada.

"…Okay, listen. I'm sorry I'm no good at this thing. But I'm going to be honest - I never liked The Perm Germ anyway! I'm not going to say I'm happy you broke up but I'm not too hung up about it either."

Then I did the thing I'd vow I would _never_ do. Don't ask me why I did it. I don't know what got into me.

I showed Koko my diary. Not all of it, just the bits where I'd bashed Permy and made her look like the strumpet she is.

"What the heck-" Koko struggled to keep a solemn face, his mouth twitching, "Wow, you wrote this all the way back then? That was before me and Sumire could even look at each other without wanting to punch each others faces."

He skimmed over the part where I had described Permy transforming into a Mew Mew.

"…I could so imagine her doing that, dude." he looked up at me, the glint back in his eyes. "You never told me you kept a diary. I mean, I knew about your blog, but… You've never told anyone about this?"

I laughed, uneasy.

"Well, Anna's seen snippets of it… Just the funny bits really…"

I expected Koko to get a little moody then; he's always a little touchy about the fact that I share things more with Anna than with him sometimes. But he didn't. He just shrugged and said, "This is comedy gold, man! You are such a genius!"

XXX

Sumire has taken all the girls on a girly weekend. I'm not completely sure what that involves, but I'm guessing lots of stops at designer stores, cute cafes, beauty salons and boutiques in Central Town.

That means Permy's gone for a three day weekend, which is good.

It also means that Anna's gone for a three day weekend too, which isn't as great. Mikan, Hotaru and Nonoko are off too. Oh, and Wakako, but nobody gives a shit about her anyway.

Which basically means that Koko, Luca, Natsume, Mochu, Yuu and I are free to have a rare three days living as SINGLE MEN. With no bossy ladies. It'll be a blast. Three days of karaoke, beer nuts and staying up until the early hours of the morning… Gee, I can't wait. Oh, and Ninja Zombies II. I can't believe I still haven't seen that film.

When you have a girlfriend as fantastic as Anna, you have to make SACRIFICES.

We've got tonight sorted anyway. The six of us are spending a night in one of the hottest bars in town, with Tsubasa, the dude with the glasses and their friend, what's his face, the blonde guy. Kaname, that's it.

Hopefully, so long as we don't run into any teachers while we're down there, the evening should run smoothly.

"Hey, what if we get TOTALLY ZONKED," Koko chattered excitedly as we waited patiently for the bus to central town, "Maybe we'd go on a rampage, and then forget everything we did, like in that Western film, The Hangover!"

I rolled my eyes.

"I don't think so, buddy. If we got that bad we'd be in detention for, like, a year. I guess that's a downside to living in a boarding school with extremely strict teachers."

Koko shrugged and sipped his soda passively.

"I'm determined to have the best guys weekend ever! It'll be ten times better than The Perm Germ's weekend! I vow it!" He clenched his fists and punched the air, Pokemon-esque. "I'll be such a blast, she'll RUE leaving me! You hear me? _Rue_ it!"

"Rue?"

"It means regret," Yuu inputted, walking up to us, "And I don't think we should do that, guys. I mean, we're still underage, and if we get caught-"

"Which we won't-"

"But what if we get ID'd?"

"We won't!" Koko huffed, crossing his arms, "Way to harsh my vibe, dude! Live dangerously for once! I'm surprised you could actually get a girl, but now that you have, you need to lighten up a little!"

Yuu's little face flushed. Bless.

"I'm only being precautious," he mumbled, shoving his hands in his pockets. Meanwhile, I was off in dream world again, imagining how life would be if Koko and Yuu bought an apartment together.

Yuu would be like, "Hey Koko, did you buy bread this morning?" and Koko would be all like, "Man, stop trying to ruin my life! Here, have a ice cream!"

Yeah. It wouldn't be pretty.

_Koko: Hey, I have a great joke!_

_Kitsuneme the Great: What? We were just talking about Yuu!_

_Koko: Just lemme tell you my joke, dammit!_

_Kitsuneme the Great: Okay, fire away._

_Koko: What do penguins wear to the beach?_

_Kitsuneme the Great: Oh, god, is this another one of those candy-wrapper jokes?_

_Koko: *dangerously* SAY THE LINE._

_Kitsuneme the Great: *sighing* I don't know, what do penguins wear to the beach?_

_Koko: Beak-kinis! Haha! Geddit? Geddit? Beak-kinis?_

_Kitsuneme the Great: …What the heck is a beak-kini?_

_Yuu: …*flounders*_

XXX

Oh, crud. I just realised I don't have eyebrows.

It's a sad day when one looks in the mirror and realises they have not only failed to grow facial hair, but are also lacking hair of the eyebrow variety.

It's times like these I feel like a real freak of nature.

I decided to get it out in the open as Yuu, Koko and I walked over to the fountain in town, where we were supposed to be meeting the others.

I was like, "Hey, Koko, I've just realised I'm lacking eyebrows," and Koko just shrugged and was like, "Hey Kitsu, I thought you knew buddy! That's why I never said anything!"

So it turns out my best friend has been lying to me about my face.

Of course, the first thing Koko said, as we approached Kaname, Megane, Luca, Natsume and Mochu was, "Hey guys, have you ever noticed Kitsu hasn't got any eyebrows?"

And so my forehead whiskers (or lack of) were still the topic of conversation as we caught up with Tsubasa at the bar.

Oh yeah, guess what. He bought a girl. On GUYS NIGHT.

"I hope you don't mind Misaki being here everyone," Tsubasa smiled.

Nobody smiled back. Even Yuu, who is sweet as pie to everyone. The only person who smiled was Koko, and even he was smiling in an unhappy fashion. Tsubasa either didn't seem to know or didn't care.

I am astounded. To think Tsubasa bought a date to guys night. And now we look like a bunch of suckers who can't get a girl, not a bunch of extremely handsome individuals whose girlfriends are having a girls weekend. Thanks a lot, you cold-hearted bastard. You realise I still don't like you.

But anyway, I guess it wasn't a total loss. I mean, Misaki Harada isn't exactly the girliest female specimen I'm acquainted with. In fact, she was pretty much one of the guys.

After that, I don't really remember much of what happened. It's a little hazy. Tsubasa, Megane, Misaki and Kaname bought us drinks so we wouldn't get chucked out, although how anybody could believe Yuu was eighteen I don't know. And everybody knows Natsume and Luca are only sixteen. They're, like, celebrities.

In fact, it was pretty convenient we didn't run into any of their crazed fan girls. Although they were wearing sunglasses, so I guess they were pretty well disguised.

My dearest Anna, I love you more than I love anybody else, but I have to be honest; I didn't miss you one bit that night. Call me insensitive if you want. Last night, my only love was the pints of beer that Tsubasa kept handing to me.

XXX

Koko's in big trouble. In fact, not only Koko. We're all screwed. Okay, the older guys not so much. But still, they were the ones who intoxicated us in the first place.

And Anna and I are on the rocks again. Turns out after we left the bar (Tsubasa and Misaki had left early, probably to do things too inappropriate to write here, and Kaname was a bit ill and left half an hour after) we ran into a certain group of giggly girls, drunk on new shoes and cosmetic fumes. Who would it be but Queen Perm and her gaggle of girlfriends. Including my Honey Muffin.

…It's too horrifying to write what happened next as it happened that night. Instead, I'll phrase it in the form of a poem.

_The ugly Perm and her gaggle of girls,_

_Made their way round the corner that night,_

_They met Koko and Kitsu and all of their friends,_

_Who decided to give them a fright._

_Kitsu flew up in the sky, oh so high,_

_And Koko said bad things to Curly,_

_Mochu insensitively flipped all their skirts,_

_And Yuu created illusions that made one of us… Uhh… hurly? _(I don't even know if that's a real word…)

_So Luca was scared and told us to stop,_

_But nobody listens to Luca,_

_And Koko pushed Curly and snatched all her bags,_

_And said she was an Oompa Loompa _(yeah, she wears a little too much fake tan).

_And then Kitsu, I am so regretful to say,_

_Pulled poor Permy up, high as a mountain,_

_With a cackle from Kitsu she dropped like a stone,_

…_And fell on down, straight in the fountain._

Yeah. I threw Curly Permy in the fountain.

So now I'm in big trouble, not only with Narumi Sensei for being drunk in the first place, but also with Curly Perm, all of her girly friends and my darling Anna.

On a positive note, I may have a future as a poet. I literally made that up on the spot.

So yeah, now I've been confined to my dormitory and Guys Weekend has officially been put on hold until… I dunno… Forever. I weep.

It's Curly's fault, of course. If she weren't so Curly and annoying, I wouldn't feel the need to put her in a fountain from a great height. And if her and Koko hadn't broken up, Koko wouldn't have started the whole thing off anyway.

In which case, it's Koko's fault. In fact, the Perm Monster broke up with _him_, which must mean he did something stupid and… Koko like. In which case, it is entirely his fault I am now weekendless and girlfriendless and possibly the reason I am eyebrowless.

Then again, it's easier to blame Tsubasa than Koko. After all, Koko's my best friend, so I couldn't stay mad at him. But I now have reason to never forgive that bastard, even if he saves me from drowning, brings me back from the dead and gives me a kidney.

He will still owe me.

It's his fault we were drunk anyway. And I'm still mad at him for bringing Misaki to guys night.

Then again, I guess it's Natsume's fault too. I mean, he didn't even try and stop us. Maybe he wanted to see Permy in a fountain as much as we did.

But I'm pretty sure I would have stopped if he'd told me to.

But then I suppose it's equally Yuu and Luca's fault. If they weren't so wimpy they would have stopped us.

And it was Mochu that flipped their skirts, not me.

But mostly, it's Anna's fault. As much as it pains me to say it. If she could only see what a monster the Perm really was, she'd be worshipping me right now.

I am Kitsuneme the Great, put on this Earth to defend my fellow men and rescue the poor influenced women from the wrath of the evil, nefarious and extremely ugly Demon Perm. My Mission? To slay the wretched beast. The Reward? To claim back my best friend's dignity and win the heart of the most gorgeous girl in the Middle School Division, my beautiful Anna Umenomiya.~

That's how it should play out.

Unfortunately for me, my girlfriend is friends with the enemy, thus making her the enemy too. This world is just too complicated and cruel.

Why do you do this to me, God? Do you get a kick out of seeing me suffer women problems? Is that why you failed to equip me with eyebrows, to make it harder for me to actually win a fair maiden's heart? How I loathe you, Kami-sama!

Well, whoever's fault it is, it certainly isn't mine. That I'm sure of.

Pitiful Perm, one day you will see why I had to go through with this task. When that day comes… I shall finally defeat you.

XXX

…Ow… I have a really really bad hangover. And I still haven't seen Ninja Zombies II. Life sucks.

XXX

**And so ends another cracky chapter! Special thanks to my super-epik big sis, Mugichanx, for helping out with this chapter (in fact, she wrote most of it, kudos to you, ohoho). *wiggles moustache* it means a lot, ne ne ne~ Colonel Moustache approves!**

**Also, if you're wondering where the eyebrow debate struck up from, me and Muges were watching Gakuen Alice episode 21 today - AND KITSU LACKS EYEBROWS. Go and check if you don't believe me; it's actually quite shocking that we didn't notice it sooner. OTL**

**Anything you wish to say, Mugi?**

_**I vow never to become a poet. That was the worst poem I have ever written.**_

**Leaving at midnight,**

**Butterflies in my stomach,**

**So excited.**

**(As written by six-year-old Mugi, bless 'er)**

_***blushes furiously* Cha-Cha, you scumbag! Okay, that was the worst poem I ever wrote. This is the second worst.**_

_**Anyway, thank you for all who enjoy Kitsu's Journal as much as I do. Please leave reviews, Cha-Cha really deserves it, even if she is a strumpet!**_

…**I'm not a strumpet! ;A; Don't put me on Permy's level, damn you!**

**Anyway, what she said. Review for Kitsu, ne?**

**He's missed you.**


	9. And the New Fake Honour Student is?

**Warning: Forgive me, the chapter is soooo short T.T Hopefully I'll update a super-long chapter next time…**

**Wow, Halloween already! I'm uploading this early because I'm going on a cruise with my school, so I won't actually be here for Halloween *sadness* But I haven't forgotten about this fic, so here I am updating :D**

**Thank you soooo much to MugiChanx, Jonzz, Ariisha-chan and AlalaPrincess for your reviews!**

Hi. Kitsu's back again.

I _would_ be greeting you with open arms, but Halloween always leaves me very busy, so I'm far too busy to be spending time gladly greeting anybody who picks up my damn diary.

Sadly, Halloween won't be quite as fun as it was last year, mostly cause I'm depressed.

You see, me and Anna haven't gotten back together yet. She hasn't talked to me in weeks. Without my queen of the kitchen, my life is of minimum value. In other words, I'm pretty sure that if I died right now, both heaven and hell would throw me right back into the ocean of the living, simply because my life is of no use to them. It's _that_ crap.

What's sad is that Koko is having the time of his life being single. He doesn't seem to miss the Perm Germ one bit anymore, even going as far to say, "Pssh, who needs women when you can have donuts?"

And then afterwards, he picks up some of my miserable thoughts and says,

"Go smoke some happy pills or something, man!"

…How exactly does one smoke happy pills?

My life is so screwed up.

On the plus side… shoot. I got nothing.

Excuse me while I crawl under my bed and cry, please.

_Once upon a time the Village Idiot Kitsuneme was living a peaceful life. The many aristocrats of Class B laughed at him, but he didn't mind, cause he could kick their skinny alice asses into next week… if he could be bothered. But there was one girl unlike the rest - Anna Umenomiya. As beautiful as a sunset, as sweet as cotton candy, unique as a rainbow…_

_Too bad she's taken the side of the wicked witch PERM, who just so happens to be my number one enemy. I mean, sure, I dropped her into a fountain, BUT GEEZ, THE MOMENT HAS PASSED._

_So now I'm doomed to live my life eating sugary crap with Koko. The end._

Even my writing is suffering along with me. I'm just lying here, in a pool of my own tears and something sticky Koko spilt in my room last night. I think it's cherry soda.

…My mistake. It's raspberry.

I'm just going to end this here. With a broken heart, I can no longer write anything anybody gives a shit about. In fact, I don't even give a shit about this stuff. I'll see you in the probably distant future.

XXX

I'm back. I am sooooo back. It's been two whole days and I think I'm cried out.

Anyway, the bad news is, we're getting the results back from our exams. Which, coincidently, is also the good news. Because Yuu has won the Honour Student Award. Again.

And how does this affect me, you ask? I digress.

I was all ready to give some super awesome speech about how we should look up to weedy people like Yuu for having clever noggins, but unfortunately I've been denied this chance to promote nerds, because Yuu has rather foolishly announced that he doesn't want to be treated special for being what he is - a super-intelligent fart. He's going through a, ahem, rebellious stage right now. Which I am going to take advantage of.

You see, Yuu is giving away his prize of being allowed to leave school to one particularly special friend, and so I'm gonna make sure that friend is me. What better way to get over a break up than living it up with one of your classmate's family?

So, upon deciding this, I waltzed up to Yuu once his magnificent speech was over and was playing it cool, all like, "So, Yuu, I, uh, I heard you won Honour Student Award."

And he was all blinky and like, "Well yeah, I um, I just said I did."

So then I was all like, "…Yeeeeeeeeah. That's right." And I did this twitchy winky thing with my eye I've been working on, although it doesn't look very much like a wink cause I never fully open my eyes. It just looks like I have some dust in my eyelashes or something.

And so Yuu was all like, "Do you have dust in your eye?" and I was like, "Dude! I'm trying to drop a hint here!" which, I'll admit, wasn't particularly stealthy. But the guy's clueless! Ufu. I'm such a genius.

So then he was like, "Oh, uh, well yeah. I, uhm… I won the Honour Student Award." And then he turned around and I was silently thinking, "NOOOOO! I'VE LOST HIMMMM!1!" and so I started looking around wildly, like, "Dammit, gotta find a distraction to keep him around longer, I barely had a chance to work my swag!" And then he did the loli-est, un-swag thing I've ever seen.

He dropped his clipboard.

So I'm like, diving to reach it, like, "IIIIII'LLLLL GEEEEEETTTT ITTTTTTTT~" in that really slo-mo way they do in movies, and he was like, stammering and shit with his arms flailing everywhere, and Otonashi was doing some sort of rhythmatic hula dance in the background just to add tension to our dramatic freefall.

I barely grasped it, but I did, clutching it to my chest as I did a barrel roll through Yuu's legs and tripped over Nonoko, which sent her chemistry set flying through the air. So I was watching it spray a colourful array of toxic fluids all over the classroom like, "…Pretty…" and then Mochu caught it, but then he slipped on some pink gunk and went crashing into Permy, who was plucking her eyebrows, and…

Well, basically, the classroom was trashed, Mochu was in a coma and Permy had one eyebrow significantly shorter than the other.

But on the plus side, me and Yuu are now as one.

And so, after all of this argy bargy, I was prepared to spin some tale of woe to allow Yuu to see that I really deserved this break, god dammit!

But it turns out I didn't need to, because then, AFTER ALL THAT, he only went and slipped on some broken test tube and bashed his head. Which was not too good for Yuu, but was pretty much the epiphany of my plan.

You see, when you have a concussion, you don't usually remember too much about what you did while you had said concussion, and so it wasn't really too hard to convince Yuu that he had agreed to give me not only the week out of the academy, but also the additional central town meal tokens, his study cards and his cashmere sweater that I've had my eye on since he first received it off the literary club for Christmas. No man is complete without his cashmere sweater.

The conversation pretty much went like this:

_Kitsuneme the Great: Hey Yuu, my buddy, you feeling better?_

_Yuu: Well, I-_

_Kitsuneme the Great: Lets skip to the chase. You remember what you said to me before in the classroom, right?_

_Yuu: Actually, I-_

_Kitsuneme the Great: So I'll be taking that holiday out of the academy this week, right?_

_Yuu: Wait, I-_

_Kitsuneme the Great: And thanks for the meal tokens. You really shouldn't have._

_Yuu: I don't think I-_

_Kitsuneme the Great: And the study cards will come in pretty handy._

_Yuu: But I need those to-_

_Kitsuneme the Great: But you know what really topped it all off? The cashmere sweater you gave me. You are such a good friend, Yuu._

_Yuu: Wait, my sweater-?_

_Kitsuneme the Great: Look, I'm wearing it right now. It's my size and everything. I love you, pal!_

_Yuu: I… Love you too?_

_Kitsuneme the Great: …No, man. Too soon. I only just got over my last love._

_Yuu: But-_

_Kitsuneme the Great: Okay, so got a plane to catch in half an hour so I'd best be off. Get well soon buddy!_

I'm pretty sure Yuu would have said something like "Have a great time buddy, and remember to wear lotion!" or something, if I'd stuck around. But Yuu knows how busy I am. I'm sure he didn't mind.

So now I am in the car with two really huge guards, on my way to the airport. Once I catch the first plane I'll be in Greece, reunited for the first time with Yuu's family. They may be a little shocked that their son's turned into one as handsome as me, but I'm sure they will warm up to me once I get mah groove on.

Okay, once I get off the plane I'll just look around for a group of people that look exactly like Yuu. Even if they're like, speaking Italian or something, I'm sure everything will be just fine.

_I am-ah Kitsuneme the Great-ah, and I am-ah so-ah glad to see you, Mr-ah and Mrs-ah Yuu's-ah parents!_

I'm sure they'll understand if I talk like that.

Those two guards keep trying to read what I've put. The oafy one especially. You ever heard of privacy, you two goons? Mind your own freaking business!

Now one's giving me a dirty look, so I'm giving one back. Nobody tries to out-dirty-look moi.

They will regret that dirty stare. Cause guess what. I planted a fart-cusion-thingy under the oafy one's seat, and it's only a matter of time before he shifts his butt cheeks. I am eagerly anticipating that moment.

Anyway, I'm about to embark on a fabulous cruise for eight days with the gorgeous Tobita family. Stay in tuned. If they're half as easy to trick as Yuu is, this vacation should be pretty eventful to say the least. Anyway, pasta la vista. I'll probably be posting tales of my journey on my blog, as it seems to have been gaining dust since I last used it for Valentines Day. I'm hoping for some interesting feedback.

And by 'hoping', I actually mean, "YOU PEOPLE BETTER FREAKING GIVE ME FEEDBACK CAUSE IF YOU DON'T, I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE. EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU. *laughs evilly*."

…You've all been warned.

XXX

**HI! AND BYE AGAIN. Yeah, I'm actually going on a cruise with my school (and mah awesome friends) so Kitsu's many exploits will be very loosely based off my own experiences, yay! ^^ Hope you guys enjoy dirty british humour and inside jokes, cause that's pretty much what all my friends will be talking about. **

**Anyway, next chapter… we'll be meeting Yuu's parents! Wow. Should be awkward. Oh my freaking gaaaawd. Kami-sama, you are too cruel. I shelve my utmost sympathy on Yuu's parents for not having a son as ridiculously fantastic as Kitsu.**

**Yeah, so I'll be keeping a diary on my cruise and Kitsu's personality will be shining through, of course, so that's my way of saying, I'M SORRY I'M GOING TO BE MISSING HALLOWEEN T_T**

**Kitsu and Koko are gonna be separated for eight whole days, oh nooooooo D: I hope they email each other. Cause of course, Kitsu will have wi-fi while on his cruise (even though I, along with the population of my school, will not. Ich crey).**

**Anyway, review for Kitsu! He will be desperately missing all his friends while pranking the Tobita family. XD**

**And review for MEEEE, please, who has to put up for eight days with no computers, no internet, and just the fabulous ocean to gaze upon. PEACE! :3**


	10. Cruisin' With the Tobitas

**Aloha! I'm back from my cruise… well, I was about a month ago… I really have no excuse for not updating sooner. Sorry, peeps. Christmas has kept me busy. So here's Kitsu's Journal.**

**Thank you to Ariisha-chan and KidTantei for your lovely reviews! ^^**

Wow! We're on a plane. And by "we" I mean solely me, as those two oafy bodyguards didn't come with. I could totally like, do a runner right now if I wanted to, but NO WAY am I missing out on the cruise of a lifetime. Plus, it'll be fricking hilarious to meet Yuu's parents in the flesh. Oh god, imagine if Yuu's dad is all weedy and shit, and his mom is totally butch. It'd actually make me cry with laughter.

Flying feels so cool. Inside the plane, I mean. I've grown up with the ability to fly, but oh my god… it feels so much more incredible, to fly inside a plane, where you're tucked up and warm while the harsh winds outside are blowing. It's so calming, but feels like a rollercoaster too. And you can soar so much higher than when you're relying on your alice. You're above the clouds, close enough to touch them… and the colour of sunrise is amazing. God, I could go on about this forever.

Well, I'd better get some beauty sleep before I meet Yuu's parents. Try to look good, and all that jazz.

Yours awesomely,

Kitsu :D

FEEDBACK

_All feedback messages are anonymous._

**Orangey** Wow, I envy you so much! I've always wanted to fly in a plane, but Grandpa always told me money was scarce.

**Mikuru's-Master **Shut up about your grandpa already. It's annoying.

**Orangey **Natsume, you jerk!

**Kitsu** Hey, are you guys actually going to comment on what I'M doing? If you're just going to rub it in your faces that you hate each other, take your lovers quarrel somewhere else, okay?

**Mikuru's-Master **Hn.

* * *

Well, I have to say, the first place we went was gorgeous - Turkey. Kusadasi, to be specific. It would've been even better if Yuu's parents weren't so freaked out.

Basically I arrived at the Turkish airport and got off. Immediately, I could tell which peeps in the crowd were Yuu's mom and dad - they both look the spitting image of him, god bless.

So then I was like, "Mom, Pops, hi!" and they were giving me WTF looks, so I added helpfully, "Darling Yuu got a concussion and was unable to make it, so I, his closest friend Kitsuneme the Great, vowed to come in his place. And, um, yeah."

They've been a little cold to me since I arrived, but I'm sure if I give them some time they'll learn to love the Ritz that is Kitz.

We went to some ancient ruins - I can't remember what they were called. They were awesome, and there were stray cats and dogs everywhere we went - they were all so cute, but when I reached down to pet a tabby cat Yuu's mom threw a scotch egg at my hand (which the cat then ate). I repeat, A SCOTCH EGG.

So I was screaming, "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR?" and she screamed back, "THE CAT COULD'VE HAD RABIES!"

I still don't get why she threw a SCOTCH EGG of all things. I mean, who keeps a scotch egg in their handbag, for god's sake?

My room (which I share with Yuu's adorable little sister Kotomi) is on the lowest deck (besides the engines and all that shit), so when I kneel on the window ledge and peer out of the porthole, I can see the sea spray being thrown high in the air. It's quite magical to watch, especially when it's dark and all you can see against the darkness is the pure froth.

I'm exhausted now, though. The carbnara I had for dinner tasted like smoke and I spent the last hour and a half going through a life jacket drill. Oh, boring karma. Yuu must be laughing at me right about now.

Anyway, I'm tired. See you guys tomorrow.

Yours awesomely,

Kitsu :D

FEEDBACK

_All feedback messages are anonymous._

**ShadowMaster** Um… why a scotch egg?

**Orangey** Maybe because she thought the scotch egg would distract the cat so it wouldn't bite him?

**ShadowMaster** …I don't think it was actually going to bite him, Mikan.

**Sex-Queen **BUT WHAT IF IT DID?

**ShadowMaster** …Again, I DON'T THINK IT WOULD'VE.

**Luca** I have no idea what's going on.

* * *

Dear bloggers,

It is most unfortunate to announce that earlier today Kitsuneme "Kitsu" the Great died from uneventfulness and pure boredom.

Just kidding. Although the "boredom" part was true. It was even more boring than that one time Narumi came into homeroom dressed as a man of the male specification.

For a start, Yuu's parents kept giving me the ol' stinkeye when I talked to Kotomi. Maybe it's cause they think I'm some sort of pedo for sharing a room with a ten-year-old. Do you guys think I'm a pedo?

Anna, I know we're on the rocks, but please, DON'T give people any funny ideas.

I also, apparently, don't like buffet food. I ended up chowing down on rice, pieces of kiwi and some erect potatoes. Well, yesterday I devoured a whole one of those French baguette thingies, so obviously cruise carbs really appeal to me.

I went in the pool though, which was a bonus. Too bad it was salt water, though, which NOBODY bothered to tell me about. And when I finally got used to the tempest pool water I asked Yuu's family to join me. Kotomi jumped in happily and began splashing around, perfectly content with being in the pool with me. As for Yuu's parents, the stinkeye returned and they said stiffly, "It seems you are unfamiliar with synchronised swimming, so we'll pass."

So it seems that the Tobita family splash time is a controlled and splash-free environment.

There was also a disco after supper (unfortunately, it was another buffet), but it was pretty boring, so after dancing to a dozen western songs with Kotomi, I bought myself a coke can and went to mingle with the parents.

They were talking to an Irish couple as I approached, so I racked my brains for any English that I'd learnt at the academy, eventually coming up with, "I am a strawberry!" which is a catchphrase me and Koko discovered when we were goofing off in the library during middle school.

Of course, these people were frowning slightly, and Mr and Mrs Tobita looked like they were ready to die from embarrassment.

Well, maybe one day they'll look back upon this memory fondly. Or something

And Luca… I know you're French, but do me a favour and choose a nickname I might actually have to guess to identify. LATERZ!

Yours awesomely,

Kitsu :D

FEEDBACK

_All feedback messages are anonymous._

**Strawberry **Dude! You remembered our catchphrase! Hi-five me, bro!

**Sex-Queen **Geez, I feel for the Tobitas. That sounds so embarrassing.

**Strawberry **Eww, Perm Germ. Who invited you here?

**Sex-Queen **Yuck, Loser. Who invited YOU here?

**Strawberry** As Kitsu's BEST FRIEND, I believe I have the right to post feedback on his very underrated blog.

**Sex-Queen **Ugh. Just leave me alone.

**Nogi **Hehe… guess who I am.

* * *

Hey. Kitsu here again.

Today we visited Israel. It really is cool, you guys should totally go once we all escape the academy. And it's so hot. I was sweating buckets, which probably added to the list of reasons why the Tobitas immensely dislike me - I was soaking all of darling Yuu's Hawaiian shirts.

Who wears Hawaiian shirts in Israel, anyway?

And, "Nogi"… I know it's you, Luca. You used your surname. Geez, talk about obvious.

Also, Koko and Perm Germ, work out your love tap somewhere else, okay? Your feedback is scaring off my loyal readers!

I bought some rings back for the ladies. Didn't cost me much, so if you guys are disappointed, TOUGH NUTS.

Also, I went to this river that people get baptised in (I'm not a Christian; Alice Academy has NO religion, so, sorry I don't know what it's called) and I saw a load of these weird things that looked like swimming rats. They were so cute, but of course when I bent down to pet it, a pop tart came sailing through the air and landed in the water with a loud splash, scaring away the aquatic rodents I was trying to befriend.

"WHAT THE HELL?"

"You shouldn't feed the animals." Mrs Tobita pointed to a large sign saying, "WARNING. DO NOT FEED." Wow, talk about a punch in the face.

"I wasn't feeding it! I was trying to pet it!"

"That's like offering it your hand to munch on," she said with a deadly serious look on her face.

I was tearing my hair out the whole journey back to the ship. How do you put up with that woman, Yuu?

We went to a lot of churches today and it was fun, but I'm grateful to be tucked up in my bed now, typing away. How is Yuu, anyway? I was told to ask by the parents.

One last thing: Today Yuu's dad bought me a coke and said, "Have it, it's on me." Then he smiled at me slightly. Oh, yeeeeahhh. I think he's warming up to me. Slowly.

Yours awesomely,

Kitsu :D

FEEDBACK

_All feedback messages are anonymous._

**Radical Blackmail **Send me back pictures. I've been meaning to set up a postcard business.

**Kitsu** Aww, not even a "please"? ;)

**Radical Blackmail **Just give me your damn photographs. I'll provide 10% profit.

**Kitsu** Peh, no way. FIFTY.

**Radical Blackmail **…You just crossed the line.

**Orangey** Ohh, watch out, Kitsu! She can be scary when she's mad!

**Chick-Magnet **I am so envious of you, man. I'm secretly a Christian… I've always wanted to visit Israel.

**Kitsu** Eww, Mochu? What's up with your name, dude?

**Chick-Magnet **What? Nobody can deny the obvious facts. But I've vowed to stay pure until marriage.

**Strawberry** Haha, haha, Mochu's a virgin!

**Chick-Magnet **Shut up, Strawberry.

**MochuMania** Hold up… what? I'm not Christian! Who the hell's been roleplaying?

**Chick-Magnet **Aha! It's me, Luca! Take that, Kitsu! I told you I could come up with an original nickname! I fooled youuuuuu~

**Kitsu** …

**Kitsu **You're a jackass.

* * *

Right. Day two in Israel.

If I do say so myself, our tour guide was a little boring, and was speaking English so I couldn't understand. I basically just about understood that we went to places like the possible tombs of Jesus… the places were cool, and I saw a kid with a Naruto t-shirt so I took a picture of him.

Yuu's parents were a little displeased.

But something weird happened to me today. I got a phonecall from my family.

I'm not sure who tipped them off that I was on a luxury cruise, but they rang my new cell (which Yuu's parents originally bought for their 'biological fruit', as they so gracefully referred to Yuu as) and we had a long chat, even though those phone bills in foreign countries are total bitches.

I haven't heard my parents voices in ten years.

And my little brother (he's almost seven and we call him Nekome)… I've never heard his voice before today. He sounds so cute.

My mom and dad haven't changed - their voices sound the same as they did the day I left for Alice Academy.

And you know what? I cried. I cried a lot, and I think that's the first time in I long time that I really let it out like that. I cried loudly, like a kid, full-on with my nose running and shit. I think my parents cried too. And I know my little brother did.

So this concludes today's update. I'm a little emotional right now so it's only short. And I've yet to solve the mystery of 'who gave my parents my phone number?' (the number is on my profile so it could've been ANYBODY).

Yours emotionally,

Kitsu. :')

FEEDBACK

_All feedback messages are anonymous._

**Orangey **You have a little brother? CUTE!

**Strawberry** Dude, it wasn't me who called your folks. But they live in the Kansai region, right? Does Nekome have the dialect or what?

**Kistu** Haha, yeah, he does. It's awesome.

**Nyonoko~ ***sighs* I totally envy you, Kitsu. Spending a whole week on a cruise ship…

**Kitsu** I'm on a boat~ 8D

* * *

Bonjour! I just came back from Egypt! It was ace!

The mystery of how my parents got my number remains unsolved, which I'm still a tad miffed about. All I wanna know is who to thank, geez!

But on the plus side, I got the mighty Koko a papyrus with his true name on. Sadly it is written in hydrogliphics, so for those of you who still don't know his name, it will remain an anomaly.

I'm stuck on a tourist coach right now, and I have been for the past two hours. I need to pee but some stupid Spanish kid announced (in very poor English) that he farted in the toilet cubicle on the coach, so I'm bearing with the pain of my bladder. Yuu's parents are map-reading and Kotomi is singing along to the radio. I'm on IM Alice but only Nendo and Luca are on, so I'm totally BORED.

Earlier some Egyptian ladies were chatting me up and I was feeling pretty superior, like, "Yeah, you know, I CAN get girls easily enough,"… and then they sold me a papyrus calendar and fled, leaving me broke and depressed.

Turns out, the Ritz has left Kitz.

Anna, please come back to lowly ol' me. I know I may not be the fittest of guys out there… but I hope I get another chance to truly be with you.

Wow. My blog has reached 2000 hits. Thanks, guys. Although, now that I think about it, refreshing the page count as a separate view? Cause I've done that a couple hundred time, so… agh. Now I'm depressed.

Yours, tiredly,

Kitsu :/

FEEDBACK

_All feedback messages are anonymous._

**Cherrycake** I… I don't know. I'm still so confused. But it's nice that you're having a good time.

**Strawberry** Aww, Annaaaaa, you can't be like that! Give the guy a chance! Can't you see he truly wants you back.

**Sex-Queen **Hey, it's her choice! Lay off.

**Strawberry **YOU LAY OFF.

**Kitsu **Dudes… whatever happened to IMing?

**Sex-Queen **…One last thing. It's hieroglyphics, not HYDRO.

* * *

Aloha! Kitsu here.

So, today was another day at sea, but it was certainly NOT uneventful. Today was the Captain's Reception, so the Tobitas dressed me in a tux. It was so stupid, I HAD to upload the pictures on my profile. You can check them out if you want. Comments would be mucho appreciated.

I also took a kip by the pool, until Kotomi woke me up to give me a pineapple and orange cocktail. It tasted like pee. I MAY have accidentally chucked it overboard for the dolphins to feast upon. ANOTHER THING: the steward for my room (his name is freaking RUSTY, awesome guy…) promised us we'd see dolphins today. AND I SAW NONE. Freaking lying Rusty.

Some chick by the buffet table started chatting me up today. She was English, so I talked to her in what basic English I knew. From what I could translate, her name was Chelsea, she was from London, she was the same age as me and she had a pet net (or was it cat? I couldn't tell) called Dotty. She was really cute and a redhead, but I found myself missing the pink hair.

I called my parents again earlier. Guess what? My mom's only freaking preggerz, that's what! I'm gonna have another sibling! By the time I leave the academy my sibling(s) will be kind of grown-up… hope I can bond with them okay. I'm looking into this too much.

So, yeah. Right, I'd better get going. I'm heading to Rhodes tomorrow, so I need an early start. It's almost the end of my amazing week off, nooo! AND I STILL HAVEN'T SOLVED THE MYSTERY. Unfortunately I forgot to ask my parents and the boat is lacking signal. Alas, I will have to wait some more. I'll be leaving now.

Yours desperately,

Kitsu :C

FEEDBACK

_All feedback messages are anonymous._

**Nyonoko~ **Aww, that's so sweet! I'm so happy for you! But TELL THAT CHELSEA CHICK, YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP, SO LAY OFF.

**Cherrycake **…

**Strawberry **He can do what he wants! Life is young, dude! Go get this Chelsea! I'm sure she's a total hottie.

**Strawberry **By the way, those photos of you in a tux were frigging hilarious.

**Kitsu **I KNOW! Still can't believe Yuu's parents made me dress up like that. By the way, how is Yuu? I asked before but nobody replied.

**Strawberry **He's got a huge lump on his head, but he'll live.

**Kitsu **Ah, that's good…

**Strawberry **…So I reckon Anna thought you looked hot in that tux.

**Sex-Queen **Stop interfering in their love life, Koko.

**Strawberry **Stop interfering in my SOCIAL LIFE, Demon Perm.

**Kitsu **And, the cycle begins again… *sighs*

* * *

Hola! Last full day on this luxury cruise - we're in Rhodes today, and you know what that means! To the Greek ice-cream parlours!

Okay, I wasn't all that big on the history, but the shops were just… WOW. I got a pokemon figure set, pokemon card case, AT LEAST 40 pokemon cards… and I bought a Pucca badge. Cause come on. PUCCA AND GARU ARE FRIGGING ADORABLE.

Not much else happened on the trip ('cept this lady sniffed my bottle of diet coke before I got on the ship… I'm assuming she was looking for drugs or something…), but I found out something SHOCKING when I got back on the boat.

Yuu's parents were the ones who contacted my mom and dad. They told me themselves, and I started crying again. I cried and said thank you, over and over again. I don't know if they were expecting that kind of reaction; Yuu visits his parents every year he wins the honour student award (which is pretty much every year…), so I doubt they've ever seen a kid who's not spoken to his parents for ten years.

They tried to hug me, in a really awkward "you're-not-our-son-but-we'll-hug-you-anyway" kind of way. And it wasn't as creepy as I thought it would be. Strange world.

Not much happened after that… but they've closed the portholes, so I'm guessing the weather is getting worse. The internet's gonna cut out any second, so I'd better end this update abruptly. Seeya tomorrow, folks - literally. I'm flying home tomorrow!

PS. Yuu, your folks are awesome. Just saying.

FEEDBACK

_All feedback messages are anonymous._

**Prez **Glad you're enjoying 'your' holiday.

**Strawb **Shut up, you were the one who gave him the plane tickets. Anyway, man, can't wait to see you tomorrow!

**Orangey **Bring me back something nice, okay?

**Cherrycake **Mmm. Have a safe trip back.

**Strawb **AWW! Does anybody smell romance? ;)

**Sex-Queen **All I smell is your feet.

**Strawb **Just piss off, Perm Germ.

**Sex-Queen **YOU PISS OFF!

**Strawb **YOU. PISS. OFF.

**Prez **Geez, break it up before you crash the system.

**MochuMania **Yeah, go spam somewhere else.

**Prez **Thanks, man.

**MochuMania **That means you too, Pieface.

**Prez **…

* * *

Hi! I'm on the plane!

Okay, so I'm flying back now. We only made a couple of quick stops in Athens, which was a little disappointing, but I've cheered up now we're in the air. TITANS, ONWARDS TO THE LAND OF THE RISING SUN! ONWARDS TO JAPAN!

The plane food is GROSS. All I had was some 'table crackers' and cheese. WHAT THE HECK IS A TABLE CRACKER, DAMMIT?

So then me and Kotomi started screwing around with the milk, adding pepper and sugar to it and then pouring the 'concoction' over Kotomi's mashed potatoes she didn't want to eat. Normally I love mashed potatoes, BUT THESE ONES HAD HERBS IN. UGH.

The guy who came to collect our 'finished' meals was unimpressed. He sniffed at us and gobbed on in Greek for a while before storming off. Whoops.

Honestly, Yuu, how'd your mom pop out a kid as adorable as Kotomi? She giggles and smiles at EVERYTHING I say. I could just hug her ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. Do you guys get on? She says you're mean to her, but I know how girls can get - always overreacting. *le sigh*

I have so many pictures to post. I'm uploading two every minute - I still have about 100 to go, so it'll be a while.

A western song was playing on the radio and I really recommend it: Feeling a Moment by Feeder. Go check it out. You know you want to ;) It's actually quite sad, and now Kotomi's asleep I'm listening to it on repeat with earphones (LimeWire, I LOVE YOU).The sunset looks so nice from above the clouds - a cool blue colour fading into a strip of pure yellow, which fades into an orangey-pink colour, with smoky strips of grey-blue dotted between. IT'S AMAZING. *takes picture* So, yeah… another picture to upload. Rotten karma.

I'm a tad bit tired so I'm going to snooze for a bit until we land. Wake me up with your comments, peeps!

One last thing… Anna, even if you never take me back, I'm still madly in love with you. I mean, Chelsea's nice, but she's not YOU. So, I got you something a little more special as my present… and as an apology. If it means so much to you, I'm sorry for getting drunk and chucking you in the fountain, Curly. I won't do it again. Scouts honour. (Not that I was ever a scout…)

So, yeah. Sorry, Anna. Really, I am.

I'll see you guys later!

Yours awesomely,

Kitsu :D

FEEDBACK

_All feedback messages are anonymous._

**Sex-Queen **…Okay. I guess I can let it slide. BUT FOR ANNA'S SAKE. NOT YOURS, BUTT-FACE.

**Strawb **Charming.

**Cherrycake **Oh, Kitsu… can I hug you? *virtual hug* I'm sorry I was so horrible… I can't wait until you get back. :')

**Strawb **AWW! And so the universe is in a perfect balance once more.

**Kitsu **Hey, shut up, Strawb.

**Luca **Did you get me something good?

**Kitsu **I bought you some condoms and brioche. Go nuts.

**Luca **You're a real ass, you know that?

**Kitsu **I've been told. Scuttle along.

**Mikuru's-Master **Hn.

**Kitsu **Gawsh, Natsu-nyan, I've been blessed with the miracle of YOU checking out my lowly blog? Cheers.

**Kitsu **Oh hey, we're landing. See you guys soon, okay? SEEYA!

_Kitsu has logged out._

…

* * *

…

**Cherrycake **…He gave me a ring… :')

…

* * *

**A/N: The cruise was lovely, thanks for asking. Yes, there was quite a bit of Kitsu's Journal based off my experience - I did see a kid with a Naruto t-shirt, I did have a steward called Rusty, I did mix pepper-sugar-milk into herby mashed potatoes, I did eat table crackers, I did have carbonara that tasted like smoke, I did get lots of Pucca and Pokemon merchandise from Rhodes, and I did get stuck on an Egyptian tour bus for four hours with boys from my school that kept farting, a full bladder and a tour guide who gave us toffees and said, "You can call me Mom," …which weirded us out a little.**

**And there was a whole lot more that I can't possibly bother typing up. But, yeah. Review for Kitsu, who has missed all of you!**


	11. Kitsu in Wanderland?

**A/N: Howdy! I'm sorry for no update over Christmas/New Year. School and procrastination have been keeping me busy OTL**

**It was only the other day that I was looking through the reviews I'd gotten on Kitsu's Journal and my regular reviewers have been so supportive, I felt like crying. Thank you so much, guys. Without you guys cheering me on I wouldn't have made it to 11 chapters. Also, though I hate to tell you guys this, I am planning to complete this fanfic by the end of 2012. I have an epic 2-parter planned, although I don't know when it will happen. Probably some time in summer.**

**However, hopefully, during April next year me and my sister MugiChanx (who has been helping me out so much with Kitsu's Journal when I've been stuck, so THANK YOU, ILY BABY) will be attempting to write a fanfic based on IM Alice, and it will also be a prequel to Kitsu's Journal, although slightly AU due to some of the characters roles and personalities… Anyway, more about that at a later time.**

**Anyway, without further ado… Happy birthday, Kitsu!**

* * *

Kitsu's Journal - 2012

_They were running out of time. They knew it all too well, and yet what else could they do but stare into each other's eyes and murmur their prayers?_

_The end of the world was here, as it had been foretold. The buildings of Central Town were crashing around them as the sky was painted an inky colour, streaks of clouds resembling stone-grey paint. The rain began, harsh and pounding against their skin. The two teenagers tied by love gazed at each other's faces, both mirroring the sheer terror etched into their lover's expression. It was the end of their world as they knew it, so it was only natural that the tears were running down their faces._

"_I'm going to miss you so much," the girl whispered, normally bouncing candy-pink hair plastered to the sides of her face, matted with dirt and blood. "And I don't regret one second that we spent together…" She pressed her forehead against his own, beginning to cry harder as they knelt in an alleyway. Terrified screams from more of their classmates sounded around them, and yet he just couldn't tear away. He closed his eyes, feeling the wrath of reality take over as his shoulders began to shake, the cuts on his face stinging in the rain, but nowhere near as sore as the feeling of his heart cracking._

_He clutched his chest through fistfuls of his shirt, terrified that if he let go pieces of it would fall right into his hands._

"_I don't want this to be the end," he spat, gritting his teeth as more tears fell. "I love life far too much for this to be the end…"And then the buildings either side of the two gave away. And that was the last time he saw those cornflower-blue eyes of the one he loved so much._

Hey! So it's 2012 now, which is why I opened with a depressing piece. Yep, I've been writing fiction again! I may have been on a bit of a writer's block before, but no more! From now on I'm determined to open up… A FICTIONPRESS ACOUNT.

So I can put up all my crappy pieces and then throw people off guard when I publish something truly beautiful. Dear journal, what did you think of my beautiful fictional writing? Any guesses at who those two lovebirds were?

…Yeah, they were me and Anna. You know me too well, O Mighty Journal.

The day I've been anticipating has finally arrived… my 17th birthday. I am still lacking facial hair and chest hair, which is a bit of a downer. Fortunately, my eyebrows are finally beginning to grow, which is a little more relieving.

When I asked Anna if she noticed I didn't have eyebrows she pretended to be surprised and said, "…Um, gosh, really? Y-You don't? Wow… I, um, I never, uh, noticed…"

My babe's always trying to make me feel better, bless. Oh, Anna, you really have no idea how much I love you!

Since it's been so long since I've written in you, lowly journal, I'd better keep you up to date with what's been happening since I last left off:

* * *

Christmas

For Christmas we (as in, Class B) went to get Chinese food and were planning to eat it in our dorms, but me and Anna snuck out and ate it in Mr Bear's cabin, which I have to say is extremely cosy for this time of year. We also went to pay our respects to Mr Bear's creator, Kaname, at the hospital, awkwardly confessing that it was our date spot. He seemed, if anything, pleased that Mr Bear was actually okay with this and almost seemed to encourage us to use it _more_. Bet he wouldn't if he knew the kind of make-out sessions we get into while we're in there.

Usually though, Mr Bear's chopping wood outside when we're getting up to our dirty antics. Thank the lord.

I don't even want to imagine what Mr Bear would do to my face if he found us.

Seems me and my darling Anna aren't the only people getting loved-up this time of the year. Koko's got a new girlfriend!

"_She's Asami Kobayashi, from the middle school division," he'd explained to me, grinning like a fool. "She's so, so, so, so utterly and extremely pretty! She's like, a total Kissaholic, and she thinks I'm the cutest guy she's ever met! Also, she has a thing for older guys and has really huge knockers - I scored big this time, my man!"_

Too bad she doesn't have a brain in her head for wanting to kiss Koko. No offence to Koko, I mean, he's my good buddy and all, but… he's not really easy on the eyes.

Compared to me, anyway. I mean, c'mon. When the two of us walk into a room, we all know which of us the crowd notices first.

Anyway, the Perm Germ wasn't too pleased when she heard about the Kissaholic-Knocker-Girl… in fact, she threw an empty soup can at his head. He now has a huge bruise right in the middle of his forehead.

Oh, I laughed when I saw it. He's still a little miffed at me.

* * *

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day, on the other hand, was spectacular. Me and Anna went to that pizza bar in Central Town, y'know, the one we hooked up in last year, and chowed down. It was pretty nice actually, just sitting there and talking. We were surrounded by a ton of other couples, too, because it was the "Night of Naughties" special where pizzas were half-priced if you came with a date.

The lights were pink-tinted and there were heart-shaped ice-cubes in our drinks. Normally guys hate that, but the pink made me think of Anna, so I was content. Ah, a man's happiness.

I swear I saw Tsubasa and Misaki in there, but when I asked Misaki about it the next day she denied it. And yet, I am still a believer of hardcore TsubasaxMisaki.

The best part about going to the pizza bar was that Mochu was working there as a waiter. You have no idea how funny Mochu looks in a waiter's uniform.

He practically waltzed up to us with his tiny notepad. "Good evening, lovebirds, what can I get for you?"

"An extra large double-cheese and pineapple pizza please!" Anna replied, trying to suppress her giggles. I didn't even attempt to hide it, instead choosing to blatantly laugh in his face.

"What's up with your clothes, dude? Since when did you get a part time job here?"

He shot back, "I needed the money, so shut your face or I won't feed you." Punching the back of my head, he stormed off back into the kitchens. At that point me and Anna began to splutter uncontrollably. My head hit the table during my bout of laughter, resulting in cranium damage on both sides of my head.

It hurt. A lot.

Afterwards, we spent the night of romance in her room, making love very passionately. She's so cute when she blushes, and she has a habit of making muffins straight after sex using the mini oven set up in her room. Ah, vanilla muffins.

* * *

2nd of March

Anna's birthday.

Yeah… you guys don't wanna know.

But it's okay and stuff now, because as soon as Luca chased out the monkeys, Tsubasa calmed down the elementary school kids and Mr Bear karate-chopped Narumi so hard he suffered amnesia, everything was back to normal.

Of course, I had to apologise to Anna afterwards and stuff, but geez, it wasn't THAT bad.

* * *

And now, my birthday. Hopefully things won't be as rocky as last year.

Koko invited me round to his room last night. AND NO, IT'S NOT GOING TO END IN SOME HEAVY YAOI LOVE SCENE, SO IF YOU WERE THINKING THAT, STOP IT NOW.

(And that means you too, Permy.)

Turns out he bought this new fighting game based off of the Ninja Zombies trilogy, called _Ninja Zombies: The Final Stand_. Sounds uber-intense, right?

So we were casually playing it, when all of a sudden he paused the game and turned to me. I was on FIRE by that point, so I began screaming, "KOKO, WHAT THE HELL MAN? I WAS ABOUT TO GET THE SPACE MONKEY BONUS THAT WOULD'VE ENABLED MY NINJAS TO GRADE UP TO LEVEL EIGHT AND EARN THEIR METSUBUSHI LAZER NINJUTSU BIKEN!"

He handed me a sweet potato to chew on to calm me down, before saying seriously, "Bro, I need Permy back."

I stared, the piping hot sweet potato falling out of my mouth and landing on my crotch. It hurt, a lot.

"What? What about Kissaholic-Knocker-Girl?" He screwed up his face.

"She's… y'know, sexy and stuff. But she's not Curly. You know what I mean?"

"Sure, she's way too nice to be Permy," I shrugged, picking up my sweet potato and sniffing it. "But I don't get it. Permy nags you, treats you like dirt and isn't even attractive. Why d'you want her back?"

"A little thing called chemistry, my man," Koko tutted, shaking his head. "What with your bond with Anna, I'd have thought you would know what I was talking about."

I sighed, folding my arms. "What do you want me to do about it?" I asked irritably.

"Get her to give me another chance, man," he moaned, rolling around on the carpet. "Pleeeeeaaaaasse?"

Whenever Koko whines, you know you have to do what he wants.

The next day I woke up to an empty bedroom. Still, I tried not to let this get me down. Hey, you never know, they could be waiting until breakfast to give them to me.

Yeah. Yeah, that was it.

However, when I entered the dining hall, nobody looked up. This pissed me off a little, so I very pointedly marched over to my table, consisting of Koko, Anna, Nonoko, Yuu and for some reason, Nendo.

"I'm here, everybody," I announced.

"Oh, hi," Koko said, not even looking up from the slice of toast he was buttering. Deflated, I sat down opposite, pouring myself a glass of orange juice.

I cleared my throat.

"Ahem… anybody know what day it is today?"

Yuu shrugged, before busying himself with pouring milk onto his cereal.

"The fourth of April? Anybody?" I inputted helpfully, waiting for a response.

"…Oh," was all Nendo could say.

"It's my birthday!" I exploded, slamming my fist down on the table. Nonoko blinked.

"Really? Good for you," she said at last, spreading jam on her toast.

…Why does my birthday always seem to suck in one way or another?

After eating a single bowl of cereal I stormed out, making sure to slam the door to let them know that the group's amateur diva was very upset. Storming up to my room, I kicked the door open, seeing red.

It was that very moment that I was stopped in my tracks by a very peculiar sight. The demon perm herself, Sumire Shouda, was sat on my bed, wearing cat ears and a very short skirt.

When she noticed me, she did something even stranger - she jumped out of the window.

Of course, curiosity took control and I jumped after her, using my alice so I didn't get smooshed on the ground. Naturally she landed on all fours like the demon kitty she was, and with a coy grin gave a bow.

"I am the Cheshire Cat. Pleased to meet'cha."

I stared at her. "…You know, if you wore those kind of clothes all of the time, Koko would be even more desperate to get in your pants."

She shrugged. "What can I say? I'm wonderful like that. Now, Kitsu, any idea why you've been brought here?"

Now it was my turn to shrug. "Nopez. Woke up and nobody cared."

She snapped her fingers. "Right. You've wandered right into Wanderland."

"Wanderland?" I cocked a stumpy eyebrow-whisker. "So what am I, like, Kitsu in Wanderland?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

I face palmed.

"So, how do I get out of here?" I asked, shaking my head in disbelief. Her ears twitched.

"Well, I don't know. You know how the story plays out, figure it out yourself." With that, she threw a handful of sand to the ground and it erupted into green flames. When they subsided she was gone.

"What the heck…?" At that moment I was interrupted by a… voice in the sky?

_And so Kitsu wandered over to the Queen of Alices, Hotaru Imai, who was awaiting his presence._

"HEY! DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"

One moment I was in the courtyard, the next I was in Hotaru Imai's laboratory… which had been decorated with various cards. I should've known she'd be playing the Queen of Hearts.

"'Sup, your Majesty," I said, hands in pockets, as I watched her sat on a throne eating crab brains. She raised a slim finger and pointed it at me.

"Off with his head."

"Hey, that's a bit extreme, don't you think-?"

"No. You didn't bring me a present." Okay, now this was crossing the line.

"But it's _my_ birthday, and did _I_ get a present? NO!"

At that moment Amanatsu, the dumb robot replica of Mikan, twisted my arms behind my back.

"Resistance is futile," she said seriously, and at that point Mr Bear stomped into view, axe raised. He looked like the grim reaper wearing a teddy bear cosplay, the way he was swinging that thing around.

"Shit!" I flipped Amanatsu over my head, sending her crashing into Mr Bear, before swooping out of the window. At that moment, Permy appeared beside me, floating on a ghostly cloud.

"What do you want?" I scowled.

"Just wanted to see how you were doing, is all."

"How I'm doing…? I'm at the end of the story! So what, my timeline's going backwards now, is that it?"

She shrugged, before fading into nothing. Fuming, I landed in a clearing, arms folded.

_And so he ran into the Mad Hatter, March Hare and their tea party._

"I said don't tell me what to do, dammit!"

At that moment, a large table appeared beside me, seating an array of unusual guests. The tea party consisted of the Perm Germ, Mikan, and pig heads alike.

And there was only one person I knew who could be the Mad Hatter…

Suspicions confirmed. Koko was sat in between Permy and Mikan, looking like a playboy with his top hat, which kept slipping over his eyes every few seconds.

"YO, KITSU!" I glared at him.

"What, so now you're throwing a party and leaving me out?"

"No way, man, come and sit down. After all, this is a birthday party!" Hold on a sec.

"I thought it was an un-birthday party?" I asked, taking the seat next to Mikan. "Anyway, does this make Mikan the March Hare? The March Hare should be me! I am your trusty partner in crime, after all! Or at least someone a bit less girly, like Mochu!"

"Shut up and drink some tea," he said simply, flexing his gloved fingers menacingly. "Anyway, since it's your birthday today, what would be the point in hosting an un-birthday party?"

"Um… well, you've got a point, I guess…" Unhappily I took a sip of tea, before spitting it out in shock. "This isn't tea! This is lime soda!"

"My bad," Koko grinned. "Lime soda tastes better, you know? Anyway, anybody wanna play some musical chairs?"

_Kitsu declined, and left abruptly._

"Who are you, my mother?" Nonetheless, I reluctantly bid my farewell and continued to wander through the forest.

_At this point, he ran into the Caterpillar._

"Caterpillar? Great…" Suddenly, a mushroom popped out in front of me, where a very familiar figure was sprawled on. I made a spectacular display of my disgust as the 'Caterpillar' took a long drag from his cigarette.

"Tono? What are you doing here? You graduated years ago!" He shrugged, sitting up straight.

"D'you think I'm back here by choice? This is your Wanderland, after all. Anyway, nice to meet you… again. I'm the Caterpillar. And this mushroom here? One side will make you unable to fly at all, and the other will boost your power. Make a wise choice, my friend."

All of a sudden he sprouted wings and flew away… which left me with a severe headache.

"Mushroom, huh? Gross. I don't even like mushrooms."

"B-But I'm a raspberry mushroom!" it cried out indignantly. "I taste good! Believe me!"

I shrugged. "Ah well… I suppose it can't do too much harm."

_So Kitsu ate the left side first._

"So what, I can't even choose that?" Irritably I began to eat the left side, leaving the mushroom cackling.

"Haha! You ate the wrong side! You're doomed to never fly again now!" it laughed. Okay, this is a major downer on my pride.

And… it was right. No matter how much I tried, my feet wouldn't lift so much as a centimetre off of the ground.

_So Kitsu thought back to what the Caterpillar had said, and decided that by eating the right side, it would bring back his flying ability._

"You can't amplify something you've lost! Where's the logic in that!"

Shouting at the voice didn't seem to do anything, so angrily I began to eat the right side of the half-mushroom.

"Okay… this time it should work, if what the voice is saying is true…" I took off - and boy, did I take off. I was thrown up into the air, spinning wildly out of control.

"WHAT THE HELL?" I began to spin off into the sky Team Rocket esque, and landed with a thud in… The forest again. Just my luck.

"As if this nightmare wasn't bad enough already…"

As if on cue, the voice in the sky decided to make his presence known again.

_As he pondered over whereabouts he had landed, he stumbled across Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee._

"Okay, what lamebrains are going to be playing those two…?"

…Well, lets just say those two 'lamebrains' turned out to be the godly hotness of Misaki Harada and one of her clones.

"Howdy!"

"Howdy, what are you, a cowboy?"

"No, you're a cowboy!"

"Who's the cowboy again?"

"Huh? What were we just talking about?"

"Um… what are you guys doing here…?" I asked, rubbing my temples. Serious headache going on here.

"I am Tweedle Dee!" Misaki struck a pose. "And that copycat over there is Tweedle Dum."

"I thought Tweedle Dee was the copycat," mumbled the clone, threatening tears.

"What did you say?"

"I SAID WHAT I THINK, GOT A PROBLEM?"

_Kitsu glanced around desperately for an escape._

"No shit, Sherlock."

At that moment, through a gap in the trees, I spied… a gushing river?

"Oh well… Geronimo!" Taking a deep breath, I did a running jump and belly-flopped into the river, arms flailing around as I blindly attempted to navigate.

As I surfaced, somebody clung onto my arm. Tsubasa Andou?

"No! I'm the Dodo Bird!" he squawked furiously. "We're floating in a river of tears!"

"Well… where'd it come from?" I asked blankly. He face palmed.

"You, from the future… I think…"

_And this is why Kitsu shouldn't have messed with the storyline of Alice in Wonderland._

"It wasn't me who screwed it up!"

At that moment, the river suddenly drained away, leaving me and Tsubasa totally soaked."How are we going to get dry?" Tsubasa whined, shivering.

"Hey, don't ask me. Wasn't there a race or something in the book?"

"Yes, yes, a race! What a splendid idea!" Tsubasa clapped his hands together. "We'll run around in circles to get dry!"

"Yeah, because that'll work, won't it?" As he began to run in a way that resembled a dog chasing its own tail, I crept away, sneaking through the bushes.

_And then, Kitsu tripped over a basket and fell to the ground._

"Huh?" Too late. A basket popped up out of nowhere, conveniently tripping me. I landed on my butt. And it hurt.

"What the hell?" Glaring over at the offending basket, my anger melted as I saw it was brimming with vanilla muffins. One in particular stood out, with a cute pink label stuck to the top.

As I peeled it off, I noticed the writing on it.

_**Curiosity killed the cat.**_

Well, that wasn't disturbing or anything. But whatever. Vanilla muffins are too good to ignore, no matter what the consequences.

As I bit into the muffin, I loud scream came from the sky, and I looked up in time to see a very cute pink-haired girl in a blue dress fall down, landing in my lap. The muffin rolled out of my hand and onto the dirt.

"Ouch, ouch, ouch…" The girl looked up, and my heart skipped a beat. It was none other than my gorgeous girlfriend, Anna Umenomiya. She gasped and stood up.

"Ah! Umm… who are you?"

"I'm Kitsu, and I'm playing the role of the protagonist here," I said, standing up. "I'm assuming you're Alice… right?" She nodded.

"Wait, but if you're Alice, who am I?"

_Kitsu was stuck in an identity crisis._

"I wouldn't exactly call it a crisis, you know…"

"By eating that muffin you summoned me," she explained. "From what I have gathered. But still, what for?"

"Um, I didn't realise what it'd do," I shrugged, "but hey, vanilla muffins taste great. You should try one."

"Okay… it's not like I can summon myself, right?" With a cute giggle she helped herself to a muffin, and as she bit into it a loud "MEOW!" erupted from behind me. Almost shitting myself, I turned around to see the demon perm herself standing there, brushing herself off.

"So, I heard you two kids called for me?"

"Well, we were just eating the muffins, so…" Suddenly, Permy's ears twitched and she slapped a hand over her mouth, causing me to taste her fresh manicure.

"There!" She pointed over to where Luca-pyon was fumbling around with a pocket watch. For some reason, he was wearing a bunny-boy cosplay.

He kept mumbling some nonsense about being late, before scurrying off again.

"He's the White Rabbit, right?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. How original.

"That's right! Now hurry up and chase him! Before he gets away!"

Grabbing Anna's hand, I pulled her deep into the forest, following Luca-pyon as he scurried further and further away from us.

We passed Mr Bear's cabin, where he greeted me by almost slicing my head off again. And for some reason, right behind his cabin there was a large black hole.

We were sucked straight into it.

I began to fall. Somewhere in the struggle I had let go of Anna's hand, and I found myself flying past a grand piano, along with various other household items. I think I even got my head bashed by a dishwasher, because as it flew past my eyes began to close. I felt sleepier and sleepier, until I drifted into an uneasy dream.

_And then he woke up, and he was home._

I opened my eyes. I was… back in my room again?

Well, thank god for that.

As I glanced around, the first thing I noticed was a basket, full of vanilla muffins cooked specially for me by my darling Anna. Of course, before anything else I rummaged through, checking every muffin for a creepy tag. When I found none, I allowed myself to chow down, at ease at last.

To cut this entry short, everybody wished me happy birthday, they threw me a party, Koko and Permy slow-danced and got back together, and me and Anna sat back and watched them, making out and then returning to her room to have more muffin sex.

The End.

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**So, that concludes Kitsu's birthday chapter. This parody chapter was really fun to write… I apologise in advance to all of you Natsume, Nonoko and Inchou fans, that they didn't make appearances in Wanderland (which, by the way, I misspelt on purpose, for the funnies). I couldn't really see them fitting in anywhere. If I missed anybody else out, SORRY!**

**Anyway, happy birthday, Kitz! Also, my friend Rosa (who won't be reading this, but meh) shares a birthday with him, so happy birthday to her too. (:**

**Anyway! Review! It'll make the perfect birthday present for Kitsu!**


	12. 50 Shades of Things to Remember

**A/N: Uh, hi guys. I'm sorry I've taken such an age to update. This kinda sucks to say, but I don't think I can do the two-parter this year. Which I guess is good news for the people reading this, cause it means that I'll probably cough up a couple more fillers before passing out with the finale. This is bad news for me due to coursework and the fact that I'm attempting to finish my first visual novel, which I'm going to use to try and apply for a media arts college in Brum next year.**

**Anyway, enough about that. This doesn't really hold much relevance but I was sick of not updating and I still don't have any inspiration… so here. Take this piece of failure in the meantime. *crawls under rock***

**In other news, holy crap guys! Two whole years since Kitsu's Journal began! You guys are all dears. Thank you so much for your support and reviews. You've also made me feel welcome on the AoGA page, even though I barely come online due to real life issues and time and commitment and bleh ; n ; I apologise sincerely. Hopefully one of these days I'll become somebody who drops by on a regular basis. Until then… *crey***

Kitsu's Journal 12

50 Shades of Things To Remember at Alice Academy if Your Name is Kitsu

_To my past self at seven years old, approaching the academy gates for the first time. Letting go of my parents' hands and taking my first step into the Alice world. This is some strict advice for you so you don't fuck up your life the way your future self did._

1. One must never go by the name of Kitsuneme the Great if one wishes to survive life at the academy without a single detention.

2. One must also never approach psychic boys with eerie smiles forever engraved into their faces in fear of gaining many a trip to Jinno's office for pulling pranks of out said psychic boy's ass.

3. It's wise to never piss off Jinno by calling him Jin-Jin.

4. Also never call him a klutz. He gets offended by it for some reason.

5. Another piece of advice - if he ever falls asleep during your detention, DO NOT approach the frog on his shoulder with a dead fly and stick it up one of his nostrils. He doesn't take kindly to nose hickeys.

6. Even if it is very funny, DON'T LAUGH. TRY AND LOOK LIKE YOU'RE HAVING THE MOST MISERABLE TIME OF YOUR LIFE.

7. Remember: Your eternal suffering is Jinno's pleasure. Always sniffle and hang your head in defeat when you're in his presence.

8. Also line your boots with rubber cause he'll try and zap your fricking toes off if he catches you note passing in lessons.

9. Don't, under any circumstances, befriend No Stars because they'll ruin your rep as Jinno's Most Hated Student.

10. Reputation at Alice Academy is everything. MAKE THEM ALL REMEMBER YOU.

11. Don't get in with the popular crowd, no matter what you do. Their idea of fun is skipping class. This doesn't go down well with the teacher supervising said class.

12. If you're really that desperate for friends, go suck up to Yuu. I'm sure he'll understand the true meaning of loneliness.

13. When the first 'Last Dance' rolls around, DON'T YOU DARE SHY AWAY FROM THE SPOTLIGHT AND SIT BY THE PUNCH BOWL THE ENTIRE EVENING. GO GET 'EM BRO.

14. And by "'em" I actually mean Anna Umenomiya, the beautiful pink-haired girl in your class with the cooking Alice.

15. Ask her to dance. But don't tell her you like her. You guys are still in the cootie phase.

16. Definitely wait until you get to the middle school division.

17. There is an exception to this rule: If Nendo or Mochu tries to get there first, GUARD YOUR TERRITORY.

18. I don't care how much you hate cleaning duty, don't set off stink bombs. It just makes your life harder when Narumi finds out you were the one who did it.

19. Of course, this rule can be ignored at Christmas, since everybody has to do the New Year cleaning. At least they'll be suffering alongside you.

20. Despite what I've been telling you to do, freedom is important. Always remember to make time for yourself.

21. Once you get to middle school, brush your teeth every day and every night, otherwise not even Anna will be nice enough to ignore it.

22. A few missed pieces of homework show you're rebellious. More than ten just shows you're lazy and incompetent.

23. Don't worry too much. Detention always understands.

24. So you thought swapping the labels on the stew pots for one stars and triple stars was a good idea? IT WASN'T. Once Takahashi finds out she'll have you washing up and finally giving Mikan Sakura a break.

25. I know what you're thinking: if you get in trouble, they can't catch you if you're flying, right? Jin-Jin's the one who's laughing when you accidentally fly into the barrier and get deep fried.

26. I don't care that it looks like toffee sauce, do not drink that potion Nonoko concocted. It gave you the fucking runs for a week.

27. If part of you ever wonders why you were put on the planet, sit on the highest branch of the highest tree in the north woods and remember that wherever you are, mommy and daddy love you.

28. Don't knock-door-run Mr Bear's cabin. Once he looks up and realises you're sitting on the roof, he'll do everything in his power to make you miserable forever.

29. When Nonoko admits that she likes you during your last year of the elementary division, let her down gently.

30. Don't feel too bad, though. She'll be falling head over heels for Yuu in a couple of years' time.

31. Never get into the Ninja Zombies fandom. It's not worth the heartache, procrastination, obsessive fanboy worshipping, OTPing, crying, frustration, conflict and lack of sleep from emotional overload.

32. It is such a good story, though. Never forget that.

33. Also remember to never drop a sweet potato on your crotch. It hurts like a bitch.

34. Despite what Koko may tell you when you're new, determining your star ranking by replicating a mid-air falcon punch on the wimpiest kid in class is not the best way to go.

35. It wasn't worth it. Even if Yuu _was_ crying like a baby. And had a fist-shaped bruise on his forehead for weeks to come.

36. Peer-pressure is a vicious cycle that you must never get sucked into.

37. Just rewriting the lyrics to Somebody That I Used to Know to fit in with Alice Academy's theme doesn't make you an Alice-Hipster. So quit while you're ahead.

38. The glasses aren't very effective, either.

39. If Anna is making you vanilla muffins the night before your birthday, grab those condoms Koko bought for your birthday and give the girl some relief.

40. No matter how sick it makes you feel, don't try and break up Koko and the Perm Germ's relationship. Let it blossom while it can.

41. Also, don't call her The Perm Germ, Permy, Curly, Curly Permy, Queen of Perms, Demon Perm, Satan Perm or any other Perm, Curl, Satan or Germ-related nicknames that she'll likely be offended by.

42. Usami's a wannabe bitch with low self-esteem. Don't get mixed up in her spider web of vodka, stuffed bras and fresh tears.

43. Why on earth would you hate Tsubasa Andou? It's not like he did anything to you… Don't kill him… He's done so much for you… It outweighs the bad…

44. Remember how when you were a kid you wanted to be a writer? Don't give up on that dream! We'll get there one day!

45. Think again before trying Anna's chilli. Even if rot devils don't make you sick for 99 years, it sure as hell felt like it when I was stuck in a hospital bed for five weeks taped up to several drips and having Hotaru Imai's older brother standing over me and molesting my arms with his healing hands.

46. Don't think you can get away with borrowing My Fetish For Your Alice-Induced Swelling Package and other Alice-erotica DVDs from the rental place in Central Town before you're eighteen. For whatever reason, this pisses people off.

47. When the going gets tough, Koko doesn't mind when you camp out on his bedroom floor if you need to talk. For straight, fairly masculine (albeit weedy) guys, you two can whine about Ninja Zombie ships and feelings for a hell of a long time.

48. The Watching Over Luca Association appreciates your eager participation. Pledge your eternal loyalty to it.

49. No matter what life may throw at you, you have a wonderful girlfriend, amazing friends and classmates that love you, and a family that you can one day return to. Everything happens for a reason, and what seems stupid when you're seven years old will be worthwhile when you walk out of these gates at twenty years old.

50. Your parents will be waiting for you in that moment you leave those walls behind. Remember that.

_Always, they will be with you._

_Even if they're far away…_

_Even if they're not always here…_

_The people around you will always be there._

_I'm not going to say 'in your heart', because that's just about the most cliché bullshit I've ever heard in my life. But in your memories. In your mind, in your body, in the air you breathe and the trees you see._

_And most of all, in your journal._

_Because that's where this story really began, right?_

…

…

_(That is also a heap of bullshit. The big bang theory is where it all began, of course.)_

**A/N: This was very short, and I apologise. This definitely isn't the end, though. I'll probably do a couple more of these 50 things chapters, leading up to the Christmas special. But you know how unreliable I am, so don't expect too much of me. *worst motivation ever***

**Anyway, sorry this has taken me so long to get around to doing! And it's so short! ;_; Review, for lil' ol' me? Even though I don't deserve it?**

…**Please? Desu?**


	13. 50 Reasons Why She's the Love of My Life

**A/N: **Very quick, but here is yet another chapter ; u ; I feel like I'm on some sort of roll. It's very rare for me to update more than once a month.

It's kind of funny but I feel like this story's taken more of a sentimental tone. Perhaps this is because there are only a few chapters left before I end the fic? I don't know. Maybe it's because one of my friends has dealt with a loss in her family recently and it's getting to me. I didn't know them personally, but that doesn't stop me from feeling sad. I'll shut up now.

Anyway, this is more romantic than funny, for all you KitsuAnna shippers out there (namely Athena, since your KitsuAnna fic is exactly how I first met you ; v ;, and Jonzz, who was the first to review chapter 12 and was supportive of my ideas -forever bros-). You guys are great. You guys sure know your ships. = v =)b

* * *

Kitsu's Journal 13

50 Reasons Why She is the Love of My Life

1. Her name is Anna Umenomiya.

2. She is in my class and sits on the same row as me.

3. After seventeen years of being an ungrateful douche, she still likes me.

4. When we have sex and she calls out my name, it's because she knows I'll say her name back.

5. She likes it when I say her name. (Especially during sex.)

6. Anna still finds flaws in the things she cooks, so I have to vacuum it down my throat so she'll believe me when I say earnestly that it's better than eating in those fancy Central Town restaurants that only triple stars can afford to dine in. This is why we are a great couple.

7. Her hair is pink and shimmers in the sunlight.

8. It's glossy and smells like vanilla thanks to the shampoo Nonoko concocted for her. Nonoko's smells like blueberry, but honestly Yuu, she's all yours. Vanilla is the trademark scent of my first love.

9. When we dance nowadays it is never to Japanese music. It's easier to appreciate music in a language we don't understand.

10. I would call it the language of luuuurve but then I'd sound just like Koko when he tried to speak French to the Perm Germ that one time. (Needless to say he never tried it again.)

11. She knows me well enough to leave me alone if I post on IM Alice about having emotional bouts of Ninja Zombie feels.

12. When I enter her room without knocking and she's in her bra and panties, she blushes because she's self-conscious that she's not good enough for my eyes. In that sense, she's never been more wrong.

13. If and when I sound like a lovestruck fool, what I think is cringe-worthy, she thinks is sweet.

14. Her personality is beautiful.

15. Sometimes when we're lying in bed together we're fully clothed and she doesn't care one bit.

16. I swear, if she was frozen in ice like the cavemen in those cartoons, I would wait for one hundred years, maybe even longer, just to see her face melt into life once more.

17. I liked her before I realised I liked her.

18. When life feels like it's going too fast, she tells me I'm still one of the most immature people she knows. And I'm content with that.

19. When we're alone, we like imagining that there will be a day when we can wave these walls goodbye and never return.

20. If we have kids and they're alices, we're going to tell them that no matter what happens to them, we're proof that there's light in every dark place.

21. That one time when one of Nonoko's potions accidentally dyed her hair mauve-purple instead of candyfloss-pink, she was crying. I told her no matter what colour she decided to dye her hair next, it looked good. And it made her stop.

22. I'm borrowing doujinshis out of the library and when I see all the girls (and guys; enjoying yaoi doujinshis does not make me any less straight) and realise Anna is ten times prettier than all of them combined, I can read it with a smile on my face because my girlfriend is hotter than their respective fuck buddies.

23. And then I realise that I'm being an idiot for thinking these kind of things, even if she told me I'm not.

24. Her eyes are a wonderful cerulean hue that make my heart melt every time I see them.

25. She didn't laugh when I very stupidly realised I didn't have eyebrows and pointed it out, even when everybody else did.

26. When I'm behind on my studies, she loans me her revision guides, textbooks, notes from lessons I skipped out on and tips on how to organise my work. And then while I'm doing the dreaded studying, she very sweetly reappears from time to time with hot chocolate, chocolate-chip cookies and plenty of kisses.

27. Her study methods have actually enabled me to pass social studies, physics and politics, the three classes I hate the most.

28. There are times when I feel like I'm never going to accomplish anything, and then I remember that I got the prettiest girl in our class to go on a date with me almost two years ago and succeeded in making her my girlfriend. There is hope for us all, it seems.

29. I look the other way when her, Nonoko and the Perm Germ are giggling over boys that are better-looking than myself (even if this is obviously a very rare scenario).

30. She was one of the first people who stuck out her pudgy hand and said "nice to meet you" when I was the new student who hung his head in shame and tried not to make eye contact with anybody.

31. Miracles happen and she is living proof of that.

32. When this list ends, I'll still have many things to say because she's that fucking wonderful.

33. Remember back when she thought I was unattractive and stupid? Yeah, me neither.

34. This one time I hid a baby monitor in her room when her and Nonoko had a sleepover so I could tune in when they started talking about guys. She found it the next day and decided not to press charges.

35. She was also saying mostly positive things about me, which was a plus.

36. If we're still together on the last day of academy life, I'll probably ask her to marry me.

37. Even if she says no, I'll keep on bugging her for it, since life with anybody else just feels weird to think about.

38. Her vanilla muffins are in the utmost elite muffin category, I'm sure of it. Cause trust me, I've eaten a lot of muffins in my time.

39. She keeps asking me if she should get her hair cut because she's worried that I won't like it. I tell her that her independence is important and that she should make the decision herself. So she does, and it looks beautiful.

40. Compared to most of the couples in our class, I think it's safe to say that we've lasted the longest. (Even during our break-up period neither of us went out on a date with anybody else, so technically this is me doing a Ross Geller and stating that it _wasn't _a true break-up. Just a break. And that's it.)

41. When I have bromance urges with Koko to embarrass Permy, she turns a blind eye. Which is why I choose to ignore when her and Nonoko do their soul-sister routine.

42. In this sense, we are utterly compatible.

43. Once upon a time Princess Anna had no idea I wrote cute little stories about her in my precious journal. Now I'm sometimes writing them as she's peering over my shoulder (which usually results in her getting flustered and crossing out the divine adjectives I use to describe her).

44. She is the vanilla to my muffin, the rice to my sushi, the con to my dom. (Why did I just say that?)

45. It's amazing to think that the whole reason me and Anna are even dating is because we shacked up in an alleyway after Koko was insensitive about the whole 'girls tell each other everything' thing and Nonoko had forgotten to mention her Yuu fetish at their last slumber party.

46. Anna Umenomiya is the name, sex while baking muffins is the game.

47. Even if she's too shy to say it, she also occasionally writes in her girly diary about my dashing good looks. Grape minds think alike, I suppose.

48. When one day we're old and our skin is wrinkly like a tree's bark, I'll always remember that beneath that old hag is the girl I'm in love with. (That sounded a lot more romantic in my head.)

49. Even though the girls may tease her because she's dating a hipster like me, despite the fact that the guys may tease me because they don't understand what I see in cute little rich girls with pink hair and mini-bake ovens in their rooms, I'll never leave.

50. Though this goes without saying, this is my reason; she is alive and she is whoever she wants to be. I am alive and watching her change with every passing day. There are times when she is heading in the wrong direction, but at the very last moment she does an illegal U-turn and comes bouncing straight back at me, with remorse and affection and love. She kisses every booboo, wipes every tear, catches every chuckle, sees things I say and do and she understands. For that reason, she is the love of my life.

_And one day, when we escape from these stupid walls…_

_And the cherry blossoms will be blooming, showering us with promise of a fresh start…_

_I'll take her hand and tell her that I don't want to let it go._

_And then I'll take her out for coffee._

_This will be our first date as proper adults._

_(Needless to say Koko will probably find some way of crashing it, but it never hurts to be hopeful.)_

* * *

**A/N: **Thanks to my new fan, Devilish Dream, for all the reviews. It made me laugh cause I was happy you spent so much time reviewing every single chapter! XD I'm super happy you like what I write! I hope this chapter didn't disappoint, despite its length. To be honest I'm just happy I made the deadline of the last day of November, since I promised myself I would. (Haha, I have conquered you, British time zone!).

Anyway, while I'm on the topic of love, I need to get some sleep XD since tomorrow is my nan and grandad's wedding! …Yes, they were married, then divorced, and after at least two decades they're finally getting remarried! So I felt kind of sentimental in that sense as I was writing this. Go figure I'd decided to write about love at a time like this.

Right… review for Kitsu and his undying love for Anna? I-I-I mean, he wants to marry her, doesn't he? That can be their wedding present! Revewr pls ; u ;

See you guys! (Hopefully the next time I see you I'll be carrying a Christmas special in my Santa sack *hint hint*. But you guys know how flaky I am so please don't be disappointed if all you get is coal and apologies. *wow, I have so little faith in myself*)


	14. Le Update

**LE UPDATE**

Ahahaha you guys were expecting a Christmas special I AM SO SORRY.

I'm tired of always feeling guilty for not updating so I'm just not going to make any more promises, okay? I feel so bad for getting all hyped up for the Christmas special but I was ill and Merlin ended and Christmas family social life shit happened and I just… I couldn't find the words (or time).

Of course, this is almost a month late so I guess I should apologise for that, too.

I'm working on a lot of projects involving Gakuen Alice (and some not) which I want to get up because I'm really happy with the ideas, but like most people, I lead a secret double life - by day, I'm actually a normal person with normal (gruelling) commitments, and I just can't dedicate all of my time to Kitsu like I used to be able to. I'm turning fifteen in just under a month's time so I need to seriously start taking the reins on my life. Which sucks, but what can you do.

I seriously wanted to end Kitsu's Journal in 2012 while the Olympics were on so I wouldn't have to do something like this, but like always, I couldn't find the words for the two-part finale.

So… I'm just going to say it now.

This isn't a hiatus and I'll still update when I can find inspiration. But right now, I'm in a hectic place and IDEK WHEN I'LL COME UP WITH A DECENT IDEA. So yeah, rant over.

Sorry things are this way. I didn't want to disappoint anybody, but I guess I'm a bit late on that as well, since I probably already did that when Christmas came and passed with no update. /hits self

Thank you so much for everybody's reviews and support, they've really kept me going these past couple of years! I'm not exactly a big shot on fanfiction so the fact that so many people enjoyed reading what I wrote (even back when I was a little kid who didn't know shit about writing) really makes me happy. Kitsu also appreciates your support! By the time this fanfic is complete, MAY HE HAVE JOINED THE SIDE CHARACTER LIST FOR ALWAYS, RATHER THAN BEING LISTED AS A SUPPORTING MEMBER OF THE ENSEMBLE.

-Cha-Cha.


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